Tough decisions

This has been a difficult week with feeling like I have been under the gun from St. Francis to make decisions for my Mom to go to a LTAC center to get the wound on her lower back on the mend. It needs more care that we are capable of doing at home. One of the problems is her nutrition. With her digestive problems she is not retaining her protein to help with healing. With my Mom being on a vent she does not get the care even in ICU like she does at home. A real concern. I was not going to be rushed into making a decision of this importance.

They had suggested Meadowbrook and I went to check them out Monday. I went away with a bad taste in my mouth. Sure they had nice big rooms and fresh paint on the wall but for someone on a vent I did not feel comfortable about how my Mom would be taken care of. There were restrictions on when I could see her etc...

I had asked for healing from God and did not want her to go anywhere but home. Yesterday Ken went with me to Continuous Care at St. John's. On my way there I felt like my heart was breaking because I felt like taking this step was showing a lack of faith for healing for my Mom.
After talking to God about this I realize that these thoughts were not from God but the devil to bring me down. I had asked for guidance in what to do about this and had asked for her not to have to go to one of these places. But I had also told him his will be done. I knew the healing was there just I didn't feel right on putting God on a time frame. We want things now and maybe their are reasons that we do not understand why. The healing will take place in God's time. I am certain of this. After praying about this I asked God to help me make the right choices and be in his will but to also give me peace about the decision. Then I thanked him for it.

After going to St. John's and talking with the staff and seeing their operation I went away knowing that if Mom was to go anywhere but home this had to be it. If a code is called they are within 30 seconds of help. They have their own respiratory team 24hours. And they are the only LTAC who has the system that if her vent goes off it not only makes noise but it pages respiratory. Mom is being transported their this afternoon. Sometimes when we feel we are alone in doing something we realize God never left he was always there and we just didn't see it. That is where faith comes in... you ask and you trust in Him.