For this is the day that the Lord hath made and I will be glad in it.
I know God has blessings in store for me and my family because I put my trust in him alone. Sometimes we waste so much time on what is happening around us we fail to see God's blessings. I thank God for all that he is doing in my life. I will rejoice.
So many distractions... I look to you Father for direction today and praise you for all that you are doing behind the scenes of my life.
Are you a person that tries to fix everything yourself? I am and it is a hard habit to break. It comes at a cost. For years I have done this and it has taken its toll on me emotionally and physically. God says to cast All our care on him. I break this chain today Lord. All I am or what I am to be is in your hands. You are my savior and my rock!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I will laugh
Sometimes the devil will throw so much at you that you feel there is no more joy in your life. This is where I have been the last few years. You have the victory so you have to stand in faith and smile or laugh that you know the devil does not have control. He does not have authority over us ... only if you let him.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. If we are not careful we only see the problems we are facing and we do not see with God's eyes. We do not see that he has already answered our prayer and he is at work to manifest it to us. One of our pastors spoke a wonderful sermon that was looking at ourselves and others through the eyes of God. We would see things so differently. We must ask God to let us see others through his eyes.
The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. If we are not careful we only see the problems we are facing and we do not see with God's eyes. We do not see that he has already answered our prayer and he is at work to manifest it to us. One of our pastors spoke a wonderful sermon that was looking at ourselves and others through the eyes of God. We would see things so differently. We must ask God to let us see others through his eyes.
The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4
Friday, September 10, 2010
Jesus To The Rescue...
Today was one of those days where it starts out ok and then one thing tops it over and it is a land slide.
First of all Ken let me sleep in and he took Kari to school today. What a sweetie! Then at 10:30 my phone alarm woke me up to go pick her up at the bus stop. Up till now everything is pretty much normal. It was after I dropped Kari home and decided to go fill up the truck with CNG.
As I was driving home I noticed police lights on behind me and a policeman pulled me over. My first question after greeting the policeman was "What did I do?" He told me a I had an expired tag. I got a ticket for $109.00 The day just went down hill after that.
As the day continued with calls from my Mom's doctor, then playing phone tag with Advantage on trying to set up some help for my parents and brother. I finally got through just before 5:00 pm. Most of this was done in route to getting groceries for my parents house. Then it was off to meeting Ken at the tag agency so I he could put a new sticker tag on the truck before I went to my parents house to relieve my brother.
As I was traveling to my parents house I told the devil he was not getting the best of me no matter how much mud he was going to sling today. Satan ...In the name of Jesus flee! God is on watch here and he had to go. Praise God for the victory in Jesus name!
Word of praise... Thank you God for the progress my Dad is making in moving his left arm and walking with a cane. Glory to the God!!!
First of all Ken let me sleep in and he took Kari to school today. What a sweetie! Then at 10:30 my phone alarm woke me up to go pick her up at the bus stop. Up till now everything is pretty much normal. It was after I dropped Kari home and decided to go fill up the truck with CNG.
As I was driving home I noticed police lights on behind me and a policeman pulled me over. My first question after greeting the policeman was "What did I do?" He told me a I had an expired tag. I got a ticket for $109.00 The day just went down hill after that.
As the day continued with calls from my Mom's doctor, then playing phone tag with Advantage on trying to set up some help for my parents and brother. I finally got through just before 5:00 pm. Most of this was done in route to getting groceries for my parents house. Then it was off to meeting Ken at the tag agency so I he could put a new sticker tag on the truck before I went to my parents house to relieve my brother.
As I was traveling to my parents house I told the devil he was not getting the best of me no matter how much mud he was going to sling today. Satan ...In the name of Jesus flee! God is on watch here and he had to go. Praise God for the victory in Jesus name!
Word of praise... Thank you God for the progress my Dad is making in moving his left arm and walking with a cane. Glory to the God!!!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Praising God
Praising God for a day without stress! I owe it ALL to Him! Thank you Father for loving me so much. I love you!
September 4, 2010
My stomach feels like a knife is being twisted in it. I feel sick ...I am having continuous nose bleeds and I can not rest. I realize I can not keep up this pace much longer.
After saying this I know this is not what God has for me. My allowing the devil to torment me is not showing faith.
I know God heard my prayers. He has answered. Now I put my trust in Him to manifest the answer. In the name of Jesus I command Satan to flee!!!!!
I pray for mercy and blessings. I know our God is a merciful God! I believe God's blessings are on my family. Satan has no authority here or in my parents home. In Jesus name! Amen!
After saying this I know this is not what God has for me. My allowing the devil to torment me is not showing faith.
I know God heard my prayers. He has answered. Now I put my trust in Him to manifest the answer. In the name of Jesus I command Satan to flee!!!!!
I pray for mercy and blessings. I know our God is a merciful God! I believe God's blessings are on my family. Satan has no authority here or in my parents home. In Jesus name! Amen!
Friday, September 3, 2010
September 3, 2010
I have been running around all morning. It is hard to sleep when there is so much to do. So I figured I might as well get things done. I am sure this is going to catch up with me sooner or later.
I went to the hospital to make sure things were going the way they were suppose to. Making sure the Ostomy nurses had checked out the things needed for Mom to go home so there would not be issues for my brother to deal with over the weekend and if something did come up what to do.
I called Moms PCP to find out a new breathing treatment that was given by the hospital would not conflict with her current one. I kept calling back to remind them but they were busy. Its a Friday and a holiday weekend at that.
I talked to the hospital liaison before leaving. Next was to go to my parents house to set things up for assistance with Advantage. While I was on the road there I got a call from my brother. He was mad and said to send Mom to a home he was not going to do this. I tried to get him to talk to me but he is not good at doing that. I asked him if we could talk when I got there because I was on my way there.
Once I got there he was argumentative. Not sure why he is so wishy washy but I am at my wits end. Talking to him seems pointless... I am trying to keep my cool and not go off on him but it is not easy. I have talked to him on the phone at least 3 times today and nothing said but when is Mom coming home. Now all of a sudden he is like this. By the time I left we had decided to bring her home. At least for now. I asked him to give me a couple weeks and he would see that he is going to have some relief. Not sure I can even trust him for that. But I have to give this a try for my Mother's sake.
I got on the phone with Advantage and did an over the phone application for help. The girl I talked to was going to put a priority on it to expedite it. They should be calling us the first of the week I would hope. Hopefully we will get some help.
My brother has not said it but I think he thinks I should be there half of the time. He lives there and does not have a family, does not work so he does not understand my family responsibilities. I am running on empty most of the time but he would never understand that. My Dad understands and I know my Mom knows I am there for her. But most importantly I know God knows I am doing my best and that is what counts.
I went to the hospital to make sure things were going the way they were suppose to. Making sure the Ostomy nurses had checked out the things needed for Mom to go home so there would not be issues for my brother to deal with over the weekend and if something did come up what to do.
I called Moms PCP to find out a new breathing treatment that was given by the hospital would not conflict with her current one. I kept calling back to remind them but they were busy. Its a Friday and a holiday weekend at that.
I talked to the hospital liaison before leaving. Next was to go to my parents house to set things up for assistance with Advantage. While I was on the road there I got a call from my brother. He was mad and said to send Mom to a home he was not going to do this. I tried to get him to talk to me but he is not good at doing that. I asked him if we could talk when I got there because I was on my way there.
Once I got there he was argumentative. Not sure why he is so wishy washy but I am at my wits end. Talking to him seems pointless... I am trying to keep my cool and not go off on him but it is not easy. I have talked to him on the phone at least 3 times today and nothing said but when is Mom coming home. Now all of a sudden he is like this. By the time I left we had decided to bring her home. At least for now. I asked him to give me a couple weeks and he would see that he is going to have some relief. Not sure I can even trust him for that. But I have to give this a try for my Mother's sake.
I got on the phone with Advantage and did an over the phone application for help. The girl I talked to was going to put a priority on it to expedite it. They should be calling us the first of the week I would hope. Hopefully we will get some help.
My brother has not said it but I think he thinks I should be there half of the time. He lives there and does not have a family, does not work so he does not understand my family responsibilities. I am running on empty most of the time but he would never understand that. My Dad understands and I know my Mom knows I am there for her. But most importantly I know God knows I am doing my best and that is what counts.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
September 2, 2010
I am so exhausted. I could not sleep last night thinking about my Mom. I know God is in control and I am leaving it there. I am not stressing, but just all this milling over in my head when I tired to sleep made it impossible. When I finally fell asleep it wasn't long before I heard my phone alarm going off to get Kari at school.
Then I realized all the things that needed to be done so I opted to just go get them done.
I went to the hospital and talked to the case worker Marilyn. She has been so nice and helpful in all this. She was actually glad to hear we wanted Mom to come back home. And nothing brought up like St. Francis Home Health Care said about she would not be able to come home. Marilyn is working with us to make that happen tomorrow. Thank you Jesus! The Saint Francis Home Health care system refused to provide care(which we knew they were probably going to do) So now Marilyn is working on getting a new home health care provider. Hopefully this will keep us on track for getting Mom home tomorrow. But the good news is she is coming home not to a nursing home. :) God is good!
Then I realized all the things that needed to be done so I opted to just go get them done.
I went to the hospital and talked to the case worker Marilyn. She has been so nice and helpful in all this. She was actually glad to hear we wanted Mom to come back home. And nothing brought up like St. Francis Home Health Care said about she would not be able to come home. Marilyn is working with us to make that happen tomorrow. Thank you Jesus! The Saint Francis Home Health care system refused to provide care(which we knew they were probably going to do) So now Marilyn is working on getting a new home health care provider. Hopefully this will keep us on track for getting Mom home tomorrow. But the good news is she is coming home not to a nursing home. :) God is good!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
September 1, 2010
Very emotional day that has left me drained physically but I know in my heart God reigns and is going to turn something bad into something good.
I have been on a roller coaster with sleep since we got back from our trip. I still have not gotten adjusted to our youngest going to a morning class at Tech. Today when I was on my way to pick her up I had a missed call from my Mom's wound nurse and she wanted me to call her back ASAP.
As it turned out my brother was so stressed out he said he would not take care of Mom anymore and walked off. This was due to the pin rose drain opening up and he was over whelmed by it.
Anyway given my Mom's situation she needs 24/7 care and they said she would have to go to a nursing home. By the time I got there the ambulance was already there.
I have cried so many tears it is hard to focus and write this. I understand my brother's position, but him going off like that without discussing it with me and my Dad first was not a wise choice.
I go over there when I can to help but it is very difficult to spread it out between two people and my brother ends up taking the brunt of it because he lives there. If he would have only discussed it with me and my Dad we could have looked into getting nurses to come in a couple times a week so he could get out more often. It is impossible for me to take Mom home with me because I can not do it all alone. My brother told me if Sherrie were here we would not have this problem. I know he is right. Now that home health is involved we may have legal issues trying to get her back home. They told me that once she leaves there she would not be able to come home anymore. And now my brother is sorry and wanting her back home. I am leaving that in God's hands.
When the ambulance left today they were taking Mom the hospital until a nursing home is decided upon. My heart is breaking. I never wanted to see my Mom go to a nursing home. I have seen nursing homes when my grandmother had to be put in one and it is a place someone goes to to die. I know for certain my Mom would not want to go to one either.
Today I prayed something I have never prayed before. I asked God to manifest healing in my Mom or take her home to be with him. That was a difficult prayer for me but I would rather her not be here anymore if she has to go to a nursing home. I know Mom's wishes would be the same. She will not get the care she gets at home. She does not even get the same care in ICU at the hospital she gets at home. So the nursing home is a big step down from that.
I have been on a roller coaster with sleep since we got back from our trip. I still have not gotten adjusted to our youngest going to a morning class at Tech. Today when I was on my way to pick her up I had a missed call from my Mom's wound nurse and she wanted me to call her back ASAP.
As it turned out my brother was so stressed out he said he would not take care of Mom anymore and walked off. This was due to the pin rose drain opening up and he was over whelmed by it.
Anyway given my Mom's situation she needs 24/7 care and they said she would have to go to a nursing home. By the time I got there the ambulance was already there.
I have cried so many tears it is hard to focus and write this. I understand my brother's position, but him going off like that without discussing it with me and my Dad first was not a wise choice.
I go over there when I can to help but it is very difficult to spread it out between two people and my brother ends up taking the brunt of it because he lives there. If he would have only discussed it with me and my Dad we could have looked into getting nurses to come in a couple times a week so he could get out more often. It is impossible for me to take Mom home with me because I can not do it all alone. My brother told me if Sherrie were here we would not have this problem. I know he is right. Now that home health is involved we may have legal issues trying to get her back home. They told me that once she leaves there she would not be able to come home anymore. And now my brother is sorry and wanting her back home. I am leaving that in God's hands.
When the ambulance left today they were taking Mom the hospital until a nursing home is decided upon. My heart is breaking. I never wanted to see my Mom go to a nursing home. I have seen nursing homes when my grandmother had to be put in one and it is a place someone goes to to die. I know for certain my Mom would not want to go to one either.
Today I prayed something I have never prayed before. I asked God to manifest healing in my Mom or take her home to be with him. That was a difficult prayer for me but I would rather her not be here anymore if she has to go to a nursing home. I know Mom's wishes would be the same. She will not get the care she gets at home. She does not even get the same care in ICU at the hospital she gets at home. So the nursing home is a big step down from that.
August 31, 2010
The doctor woke me up after only laying down for a few minutes this morning. The doctor was the rudest doctor I have ever encountered. He was one of those doctors that would not let you get a word in. He was hateful and I felt my sin nature rise up in me. (Anger) Well... after that I there was no way I could go to sleep.
Once I picked up Kari from Tech I took the vent up to the hospital for Mom so she could go home today. I made sure everything was to go as planned and of course it never does. 'While I was there the doctor was on the phone and the nurse asked if I wanted to talk to him I assured her I did not.
Then I had to go to a graduation meeting tonight. It was informative and did not last long. Any other time I would have loved to hang out and chat but there was still things to do at home.
Laundry and fixing dinner were on the agenda. I tired to watch a movie with my father in law but I think I may have fell asleep at points through out the movie. More later when I feel up to it.
Once I picked up Kari from Tech I took the vent up to the hospital for Mom so she could go home today. I made sure everything was to go as planned and of course it never does. 'While I was there the doctor was on the phone and the nurse asked if I wanted to talk to him I assured her I did not.
Then I had to go to a graduation meeting tonight. It was informative and did not last long. Any other time I would have loved to hang out and chat but there was still things to do at home.
Laundry and fixing dinner were on the agenda. I tired to watch a movie with my father in law but I think I may have fell asleep at points through out the movie. More later when I feel up to it.
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