September 1, 2010

Very emotional day that has left me drained physically but I know in my heart God reigns and is going to turn something bad into something good.

I have been on a roller coaster with sleep since we got back from our trip. I still have not gotten adjusted to our youngest going to a morning class at Tech. Today when I was on my way to pick her up I had a missed call from my Mom's wound nurse and she wanted me to call her back ASAP.

As it turned out my brother was so stressed out he said he would not take care of Mom anymore and walked off. This was due to the pin rose drain opening up and he was over whelmed by it.
Anyway given my Mom's situation she needs 24/7 care and they said she would have to go to a nursing home. By the time I got there the ambulance was already there.

I have cried so many tears it is hard to focus and write this. I understand my brother's position, but him going off like that without discussing it with me and my Dad first was not a wise choice.
I go over there when I can to help but it is very difficult to spread it out between two people and my brother ends up taking the brunt of it because he lives there. If he would have only discussed it with me and my Dad we could have looked into getting nurses to come in a couple times a week so he could get out more often. It is impossible for me to take Mom home with me because I can not do it all alone. My brother told me if Sherrie were here we would not have this problem. I know he is right. Now that home health is involved we may have legal issues trying to get her back home. They told me that once she leaves there she would not be able to come home anymore. And now my brother is sorry and wanting her back home. I am leaving that in God's hands.

When the ambulance left today they were taking Mom the hospital until a nursing home is decided upon. My heart is breaking. I never wanted to see my Mom go to a nursing home. I have seen nursing homes when my grandmother had to be put in one and it is a place someone goes to to die. I know for certain my Mom would not want to go to one either.

Today I prayed something I have never prayed before. I asked God to manifest healing in my Mom or take her home to be with him. That was a difficult prayer for me but I would rather her not be here anymore if she has to go to a nursing home. I know Mom's wishes would be the same. She will not get the care she gets at home. She does not even get the same care in ICU at the hospital she gets at home. So the nursing home is a big step down from that.