You can not assume that when things start to look good that the sea is calm. That is when the devil tries to distract you by adding strife to your life. ( Do not take your eyes off Jesus) Realize who is the cause of the strife and do not allow him to stress you out. He will try to make you feel like you are a failure by allowing him to let you feel angry and maybe you say something back you wish you hadn't. God knows we are not perfect and we will always make mistakes. Realizing your mistake and trying to correct it is all you can do. It is always harder to forgive yourself but you can not let the devil use this against you.
My temperament by nature is not to take things but a fighter. My grandma Stephens was a meek person and nothing ruffled her feathers ...that is what I am told because she died when I was only 2 so I do not have any memories of her. I would love to be more like her. She was a Godly woman and set a Christian example for her 13 children. For me it is a daily struggle. But with God's help I am getting better. It is just right now I am so tired and I get in reaction mode before thinking about it. When I can rest...like now I can not sleep because other things try to distract me. He is very good at it too because he uses those who you love or those you trust to put stumbling blocks in your path. Every day is learning something new and opening my eyes to things around as to how the devil tries to work me. I think once you realize this it is a step in the right direction.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Mark 4:39
Today was rough but knowing God is at my side is comforting and I know nothing is too hard for him. Even though the storms around me feel like swallowing me up I know they will not over whelm me.
After leaving Mom and Dads house at 3:00 am I had to have Ken and the girls at the airport at 5:00. Once I got back home I tried to go to sleep but never could really rest till I knew they had landed. I knew they would be fine and they were under God's hand of protection but just couldn't rest till I heard from them. Besides the house was too quiet. I never can rest well when Ken is out of town and now with the girls not here either was even harder. By the time I could rest it was time to get up and get ready to be at the hospital for Dad's rehab therapy.
The therapy went well... but I seen how hard it is for Dad to control even his standing and all the work it took to do just that. Very taxing on him. He is making progress though. By the time I was done with the session it was going on 3:30pm. I went to fill up the truck with CNG because I didn't want to go to the station at night. I was able to get in a couple hours nap before returning to my parent house to relieve my brother.
When I leave here at 4:00 am I will be going to pick up my Dad's groceries and then going to pick him up at 9:00 am to bring him home. After picking up his prescriptions and once I get him home I will then go home and crash.
I know if I were depending on my own strength and human abilities I would not be able to do this but the Lord provides my needs each and every day.
BTW... The Lord led me to find the Beneprotein my Mom needed. When I was at the hospital Monday ( I think... but the days are running together) I felt the impression to go to the ICU nurses station and ask them if they knew where to find it at. One nurse made some calls and found it at Walgreen's 71st and Lewis. It was a special order made by a customer who never picked it up. Giving God he praise and glory for it!!!!
After leaving Mom and Dads house at 3:00 am I had to have Ken and the girls at the airport at 5:00. Once I got back home I tried to go to sleep but never could really rest till I knew they had landed. I knew they would be fine and they were under God's hand of protection but just couldn't rest till I heard from them. Besides the house was too quiet. I never can rest well when Ken is out of town and now with the girls not here either was even harder. By the time I could rest it was time to get up and get ready to be at the hospital for Dad's rehab therapy.
The therapy went well... but I seen how hard it is for Dad to control even his standing and all the work it took to do just that. Very taxing on him. He is making progress though. By the time I was done with the session it was going on 3:30pm. I went to fill up the truck with CNG because I didn't want to go to the station at night. I was able to get in a couple hours nap before returning to my parent house to relieve my brother.
When I leave here at 4:00 am I will be going to pick up my Dad's groceries and then going to pick him up at 9:00 am to bring him home. After picking up his prescriptions and once I get him home I will then go home and crash.
I know if I were depending on my own strength and human abilities I would not be able to do this but the Lord provides my needs each and every day.
BTW... The Lord led me to find the Beneprotein my Mom needed. When I was at the hospital Monday ( I think... but the days are running together) I felt the impression to go to the ICU nurses station and ask them if they knew where to find it at. One nurse made some calls and found it at Walgreen's 71st and Lewis. It was a special order made by a customer who never picked it up. Giving God he praise and glory for it!!!!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Lesson learned...Got to feed the soul...
Well... I hope I learn something from the last few days and take it to heart. I sure do not want to relearn this lesson again.
For the last couple days I have been rushing around, only in the house a few minutes before I am off and running again. Were talking 7 hours or so at a wack. This is one of my stress triggers for certain. I have felt sick to my stomach for the last 24 hours. First of all the doctor wrote prescriptions for my Mom that even the pharmacist did not know what the doctor was talking about. I went to the ICU nurses station and they told me it was a product called Beneprotein that they gave to her in her feeding tube is not found anywhere here in Tulsa. You can order it online but it is very expensive. I think the doctors have stock or in with these pharmaceutical companies for profit. So I am trying to find something compatible. I went to Akins today and figured I could find something there but there were additives that she can not take. (Potassium, salt etc...because she is already taking meds for this) So tomorrow it is off to GNC to find just a Whey product for protein.
By far the most stressful thing yesterday was the Pharmacy. The day before I had taken my Mom's prescriptions to the pharmacy and the medical card in my Dad's wallet was outdated so I had to pay full price for her prescription. Which I did because they told me that when I brought in their new one I would be refunded the amount. So when it was my turn to do my shift at my parents house I looked for the medical cards. During this process I found another perscription that my brother missed giving me. This meant that I was going to have to go to Walgreens on my side of town (24 hrs) when I left my parents home at 4:00 am then run it back to my parents house because my Mom needed it yesterday. When I went to Walgreens the pharmasict said the number on the card was expired Dec 31. I told her that was not possible that it came with a letter stating it came into effect Jan 1, 2010. I asked her what the perscription would cost me out of pocket because my mom needed it. She told me $97.00 (BTW... this was for an antibiotic for 3 pills) I said I can not pay that kind of money and she told me to take it up with the insurance company (in not a too nice manner) By the time I got home I was in the mode the straw that broke the camels back attitude. Ken could see I was not having a good day by my mood. After explaining to him what just happened he called the number on back of my parents insurance card to straighten this out. The lady at he insurance company verified that the card was good and asked us what location had called and verified they were on the list to fill the prescription. And not only that but there was NO record of that pharmacy calling and she said they keep all records on that on file. Ken proceeded to call that pharmacy and tell her what they said and that I was on the way there now.
When I got there and walked up to the counter and laid my purse down on the counter (think it was a little harder than I normally do) and said, "Now lets try this one more time" She came up to me showing she had already worked up the refund for the first prescription and had already verified the card was good. As I think about it she was holding up the new papers with them in front of her and distancing herself from me. (I didn't pay much attention to this till after I left) She was bending over backwards to be nice. After this I was off to my parents house again to drop off the prescription. I finally got home about 6:30 am.
My theory on this is this. We go through life and Satan puts people and things in our path to stress us out and make things hard for a Christian. He wants us to keep so busy with the little things which turn into big things because we do not keep our eyes on the mark. Also if we get caught up in rushing around etc... we do not have time to take in the word. So I was basically starving myself over the last couple days so when the hard times hit I could not cope. I pray I do not have to learn this lesson over again.
So I have a new book from the library that came in today. Out of all the books I ordered can you believe the one that came in was a book by Joyce Meyer called "The Battle Belongs To The Lord...defeating life's struggles through worship. Guess this was the book the Lord wanted me to read now.
For the last couple days I have been rushing around, only in the house a few minutes before I am off and running again. Were talking 7 hours or so at a wack. This is one of my stress triggers for certain. I have felt sick to my stomach for the last 24 hours. First of all the doctor wrote prescriptions for my Mom that even the pharmacist did not know what the doctor was talking about. I went to the ICU nurses station and they told me it was a product called Beneprotein that they gave to her in her feeding tube is not found anywhere here in Tulsa. You can order it online but it is very expensive. I think the doctors have stock or in with these pharmaceutical companies for profit. So I am trying to find something compatible. I went to Akins today and figured I could find something there but there were additives that she can not take. (Potassium, salt etc...because she is already taking meds for this) So tomorrow it is off to GNC to find just a Whey product for protein.
By far the most stressful thing yesterday was the Pharmacy. The day before I had taken my Mom's prescriptions to the pharmacy and the medical card in my Dad's wallet was outdated so I had to pay full price for her prescription. Which I did because they told me that when I brought in their new one I would be refunded the amount. So when it was my turn to do my shift at my parents house I looked for the medical cards. During this process I found another perscription that my brother missed giving me. This meant that I was going to have to go to Walgreens on my side of town (24 hrs) when I left my parents home at 4:00 am then run it back to my parents house because my Mom needed it yesterday. When I went to Walgreens the pharmasict said the number on the card was expired Dec 31. I told her that was not possible that it came with a letter stating it came into effect Jan 1, 2010. I asked her what the perscription would cost me out of pocket because my mom needed it. She told me $97.00 (BTW... this was for an antibiotic for 3 pills) I said I can not pay that kind of money and she told me to take it up with the insurance company (in not a too nice manner) By the time I got home I was in the mode the straw that broke the camels back attitude. Ken could see I was not having a good day by my mood. After explaining to him what just happened he called the number on back of my parents insurance card to straighten this out. The lady at he insurance company verified that the card was good and asked us what location had called and verified they were on the list to fill the prescription. And not only that but there was NO record of that pharmacy calling and she said they keep all records on that on file. Ken proceeded to call that pharmacy and tell her what they said and that I was on the way there now.
When I got there and walked up to the counter and laid my purse down on the counter (think it was a little harder than I normally do) and said, "Now lets try this one more time" She came up to me showing she had already worked up the refund for the first prescription and had already verified the card was good. As I think about it she was holding up the new papers with them in front of her and distancing herself from me. (I didn't pay much attention to this till after I left) She was bending over backwards to be nice. After this I was off to my parents house again to drop off the prescription. I finally got home about 6:30 am.
My theory on this is this. We go through life and Satan puts people and things in our path to stress us out and make things hard for a Christian. He wants us to keep so busy with the little things which turn into big things because we do not keep our eyes on the mark. Also if we get caught up in rushing around etc... we do not have time to take in the word. So I was basically starving myself over the last couple days so when the hard times hit I could not cope. I pray I do not have to learn this lesson over again.
So I have a new book from the library that came in today. Out of all the books I ordered can you believe the one that came in was a book by Joyce Meyer called "The Battle Belongs To The Lord...defeating life's struggles through worship. Guess this was the book the Lord wanted me to read now.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Crazy Day
I feel like I am drained emotionally today. It was one of those days where you get hit with one thing after another. No time to recoup in between before you get hit again. After so many I went into emotional reacting mode. Not thinking but reacting to my circumstances. That is what is draining not only on you physically but emotionally too.
Today was the day my brother went up to the hospital to see my Dad in therapy and what he needs to do when he goes home. (I go Tuesday) We had planned to go together but with them going to send my Mom home we had to split it up.
I awoke to messages on my phone from my Dad, brother and the hospital. My phone was on but I slept right through hearing it beep. I was either that tired or God knew I would not be able to cope with only two hours sleep so he allowed me to sleep right through it. I like the latter...
Apparently they also needed the hoses for my Moms ventilator. If this had been told in the first place I would have brought them yesterday with the vent or my brother would have brought them this morning when he came to the hospital. They were wanting to release my Mom today. (not like they told us before that she would need to be on her vent there for two days before they sent her home) I do not have a very good opinion of most of the hospital staff and think they went to medical school and earned a cracker jack box degree. I know... complaining... got to quit it doesn't help! And the Lord does not want us to be complainers.
Anyway they had the attitude like I am suppose to drop everything and be at their beck in call. Just got tired of it! Then the person who was suppose to pick my brother up didn't so he walked home from 61st and Yale to 21st Apache by the airport. All this time I am trying to find him because he needed to be home before they could bring Mom home by ambulance.
By the time they got Mom home they just dropped her in the room and no kind of hook up or anything. (usually home health has a nurse there etc...)
Let see... then our water was shut down in our house because our reverse osmosis quit working so it was taking Ken to Lowes, then getting groceries, taking the girls to movie night, going to see Dad at the hospital, then finishing groceries, then picking the girls up at movie night and coming home to unload and put groceries away. My day was spent since the time I got up by running everywhere. My lunch and dinner consisted of a sandwich on the run. That made me cranky and less tolerant of all that was going on so I felt like I was loosing it. Sorry Lord my human side won today and feels like my spirit took a beating. Sorry Lord forgive me for allowing the devil to push me around. I forgot to use our weapons of spiritual warfare. Tomorrow is yet another day and I will do better when I remember to leave it all in your hands.
Positive thing for today is my Mom is home.
Today was the day my brother went up to the hospital to see my Dad in therapy and what he needs to do when he goes home. (I go Tuesday) We had planned to go together but with them going to send my Mom home we had to split it up.
I awoke to messages on my phone from my Dad, brother and the hospital. My phone was on but I slept right through hearing it beep. I was either that tired or God knew I would not be able to cope with only two hours sleep so he allowed me to sleep right through it. I like the latter...
Apparently they also needed the hoses for my Moms ventilator. If this had been told in the first place I would have brought them yesterday with the vent or my brother would have brought them this morning when he came to the hospital. They were wanting to release my Mom today. (not like they told us before that she would need to be on her vent there for two days before they sent her home) I do not have a very good opinion of most of the hospital staff and think they went to medical school and earned a cracker jack box degree. I know... complaining... got to quit it doesn't help! And the Lord does not want us to be complainers.
Anyway they had the attitude like I am suppose to drop everything and be at their beck in call. Just got tired of it! Then the person who was suppose to pick my brother up didn't so he walked home from 61st and Yale to 21st Apache by the airport. All this time I am trying to find him because he needed to be home before they could bring Mom home by ambulance.
By the time they got Mom home they just dropped her in the room and no kind of hook up or anything. (usually home health has a nurse there etc...)
Let see... then our water was shut down in our house because our reverse osmosis quit working so it was taking Ken to Lowes, then getting groceries, taking the girls to movie night, going to see Dad at the hospital, then finishing groceries, then picking the girls up at movie night and coming home to unload and put groceries away. My day was spent since the time I got up by running everywhere. My lunch and dinner consisted of a sandwich on the run. That made me cranky and less tolerant of all that was going on so I felt like I was loosing it. Sorry Lord my human side won today and feels like my spirit took a beating. Sorry Lord forgive me for allowing the devil to push me around. I forgot to use our weapons of spiritual warfare. Tomorrow is yet another day and I will do better when I remember to leave it all in your hands.
Positive thing for today is my Mom is home.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thursday
Today I had to pick up my Mom's ventilator at their house and take it to ICU. Before she is released they have to have her on her home machine a few days before she is released. Just to make sure their are no complications.
When we were in ICU with Mom the girls and I laid hands on my Dad and prayed for healing of his left hand. We know it will happen... in God's time.
My Dad was not feeling very well tonight so we did not stay very long in ICU. The girls had school to do too so we left after about an hour. It will be good to get Mom home because believe it or not she does not get taken care of as well in ICU (or for that matter anywhere in the hospital) My brother and I are trying to prepare for them both going home. But once my Mom goes home it will be harder for me because I will be back to doing the night shift at my parents house. One good thing though... Ken is taking a week of vacation next week so that will help some. The girls will be able to stay home with him and I will not have to worry what to make for dinner.
Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
When we were in ICU with Mom the girls and I laid hands on my Dad and prayed for healing of his left hand. We know it will happen... in God's time.
My Dad was not feeling very well tonight so we did not stay very long in ICU. The girls had school to do too so we left after about an hour. It will be good to get Mom home because believe it or not she does not get taken care of as well in ICU (or for that matter anywhere in the hospital) My brother and I are trying to prepare for them both going home. But once my Mom goes home it will be harder for me because I will be back to doing the night shift at my parents house. One good thing though... Ken is taking a week of vacation next week so that will help some. The girls will be able to stay home with him and I will not have to worry what to make for dinner.
Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I can see God working...
It has been a few days since I posted last and I will try to make up.
I had a rough day yesterday. I had something stressful happen and then I could not sleep. So I took care of the problem and then by the time I could sleep it was time to start my usual day with what I had to do. So by the time I could sleep it ended up being 36 or more hours.
It is funny because during the time of stress is when we have to trust God the most and not worry. It is hard to do. It is in our nature to try and fix things ourselves. Then when we can't we call on God.
Yesterday was not a typical day for me. When things were stressful I prayed and asked God to help me not stress or lose my temper. When the person I was dealing with was angry and yelling. I know I could feel my temper rise inside me and I was feeling angry but I talked in a calm voice. I felt afterwards that I had failed because I felt angry but as I was driving home God made me realize I did not fail I never spoke in anger and when I could have easily spoken back in anger I did not respond. And he was right of course! He was with me the whole time. It felt good to realize I had not let the devil twist me into his trap. Later the person called me and was sorry. I can see where God worked it out for the best by allowing him to work it out not me. We tend to mess things up more. I know I do.
My Dad is doing great. I went up yesterday during one of his physical therapy sessions and he is actually using his left leg to walk not kicking it with his hip. He still does not have the full range of motion yet. Now to wait for the left hand to show some progress. It will happen in GOD's Time.
I came home and made black bean chili and put it in the crock pot. Then I went to bed because I couldn't stay awake any longer. When Ken came home he came in to check on me and asked me what I did different to the chili. I think I was in a groggy state because I wasn't sure I remembered making chili. He told me it was awesome. I remembered I had cut up cilantro and put in it and also added some cumin. That was the only thing I did different.
I had a rough day yesterday. I had something stressful happen and then I could not sleep. So I took care of the problem and then by the time I could sleep it was time to start my usual day with what I had to do. So by the time I could sleep it ended up being 36 or more hours.
It is funny because during the time of stress is when we have to trust God the most and not worry. It is hard to do. It is in our nature to try and fix things ourselves. Then when we can't we call on God.
Yesterday was not a typical day for me. When things were stressful I prayed and asked God to help me not stress or lose my temper. When the person I was dealing with was angry and yelling. I know I could feel my temper rise inside me and I was feeling angry but I talked in a calm voice. I felt afterwards that I had failed because I felt angry but as I was driving home God made me realize I did not fail I never spoke in anger and when I could have easily spoken back in anger I did not respond. And he was right of course! He was with me the whole time. It felt good to realize I had not let the devil twist me into his trap. Later the person called me and was sorry. I can see where God worked it out for the best by allowing him to work it out not me. We tend to mess things up more. I know I do.
My Dad is doing great. I went up yesterday during one of his physical therapy sessions and he is actually using his left leg to walk not kicking it with his hip. He still does not have the full range of motion yet. Now to wait for the left hand to show some progress. It will happen in GOD's Time.
I came home and made black bean chili and put it in the crock pot. Then I went to bed because I couldn't stay awake any longer. When Ken came home he came in to check on me and asked me what I did different to the chili. I think I was in a groggy state because I wasn't sure I remembered making chili. He told me it was awesome. I remembered I had cut up cilantro and put in it and also added some cumin. That was the only thing I did different.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday January 18, 2010
I am up and moving around some today. I started feeling bad after we got home from the movie the other night (our anniversary dinner and movie night) Then Sunday I got up and had to go to minor emergency. Must have done it on the sly because my daughters were oblivious to the fact that I had even gone. ;)
Anyway I am so frustrated with medical personnel. No one cares anymore it is just a job to them. Ok... Lord I stop complaining now! Anyway I went to the hospital to see my parents after all that and wheeled my Dad over to ICU to see my Mom. I only stayed about an hour because I really just wanted to crawl up in bed and do nothing. I told my Dad I would probably not be up today if I was not feeling better. He told me to get some rest because I was worrying him. I reassured him and headed home. I called my niece Courtney and asked her if she would go up and take her grandpa over to see her grandma today because I didn't think I was going to make it. By the time Ken picked up the girls from church I was already in bed. I went to bed around 8:00 pm and then I didn't get up till about 1:00 pm today. I pray I feel much better tomorrow so I can resume the things I need to do. I have faith that God will see to it that I am.
Anyway I am so frustrated with medical personnel. No one cares anymore it is just a job to them. Ok... Lord I stop complaining now! Anyway I went to the hospital to see my parents after all that and wheeled my Dad over to ICU to see my Mom. I only stayed about an hour because I really just wanted to crawl up in bed and do nothing. I told my Dad I would probably not be up today if I was not feeling better. He told me to get some rest because I was worrying him. I reassured him and headed home. I called my niece Courtney and asked her if she would go up and take her grandpa over to see her grandma today because I didn't think I was going to make it. By the time Ken picked up the girls from church I was already in bed. I went to bed around 8:00 pm and then I didn't get up till about 1:00 pm today. I pray I feel much better tomorrow so I can resume the things I need to do. I have faith that God will see to it that I am.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Unload
I fell asleep after dinner last night so I woke up really early this morning. I can not go back to sleep so I think it is time to unload. Sorry guys this blog is not only where I post updates on my Mom and Dad but guess it going to be used to get things off my chest. :(
I find I when I am really tired and pass out from lack of sleep it easier than laying my head down on the pillow and my mind running off in all directions. I know this is when the devil works on me. I find myself looking at the big picture of everything (bad idea by the way) ... like how I am going to do all this. These are the kind of thoughts the devil puts in my mind. When my Dad comes home and until he is able to help with mom I will be there every night doing the night shift. My parents live day to day like the rest of us so private nursing is out of the question. How can I keep up the pace? BUT... the Holy Spirit reminds me that God will provide... trust in Him... take it a DAY AT A TIME. This is how the devil makes us feel overwhelmed and with worries. I can not do this on my own but I can face anything with God on my side. I know that through this he will be glorified and praised. Thank you Jesus because you love me and you will not forsake us or leave us.
Today is Ken and I's wedding anniversary. The hubby is going to take me out and do something later this evening. Maybe dinner and a movie I do not know but think it is needed right now.
I find I when I am really tired and pass out from lack of sleep it easier than laying my head down on the pillow and my mind running off in all directions. I know this is when the devil works on me. I find myself looking at the big picture of everything (bad idea by the way) ... like how I am going to do all this. These are the kind of thoughts the devil puts in my mind. When my Dad comes home and until he is able to help with mom I will be there every night doing the night shift. My parents live day to day like the rest of us so private nursing is out of the question. How can I keep up the pace? BUT... the Holy Spirit reminds me that God will provide... trust in Him... take it a DAY AT A TIME. This is how the devil makes us feel overwhelmed and with worries. I can not do this on my own but I can face anything with God on my side. I know that through this he will be glorified and praised. Thank you Jesus because you love me and you will not forsake us or leave us.
Today is Ken and I's wedding anniversary. The hubby is going to take me out and do something later this evening. Maybe dinner and a movie I do not know but think it is needed right now.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thursday Jan 14
I am going to post right away because I have not updated in the last couple days. If I wait till I get things done and in the mode to wind down I will fall asleep like I did last night.
Today seemed like it went on forever. One of those days. I had to set my phone alarm to get me up in time to take both the girls for their dentist appointment. Two girls from their office called yesterday to confirm their appointment and then they did it again today. The girl told me that if I did not return their call they would book someone over our appointment. I think she caught me at the wrong time. I flew off on her. I have never had to confirm before and we have never not shown up for our appointments. Needless to say I felt like I had to apologize to her. (Knowing full well this was the tactic of the devil to start my day our stressing and angry and missing the blessings God had in store for me today) So I fixed it and apologized.
Afterward I came home long enough to get Ken's lunch fixed and I was off and running again. I had to pick up things for my parents house at the grocery store, pick up things Dad needed and get his bills so I could pay them.
The truck needed gas so I went to fill up CNG in the truck and the station was broke down. I did not stress... just went to the station on 15th and Sheridan before going to the hospital. I was running late. My Dad was waiting in his wheelchair for me to take him over to see my Mom. I took him over and he stayed for about an hour. I took him back to his room and then went back to stay with Mom a little longer. I wanted to make sure they turned her and that she was comfortable before I left. She certainly does not get the best care in there. She is taken better care of at home. One of the nurses tore her medical boots I made her for Christmas. Not sure how they could have been so rough to do that but it can be fixed just frustrating but not worth stressing.
On my way home I decided to surprise the girls with Taco Bell. I was hungry and didn't feel like cooking. I know they were happy.
Today's progress... My Mom has been cut back to breathing treatments every 6 hours instead of every 4 hours. This is an improvement and she does not seem as congested.
As for Dad he looked good. When my Dad walks he has to swing his left leg forward by using his hip. He is able to hold his weight but not move his leg at will. He said he walked farther today and he moved his left big toe a little. Tomorrow they are going to feed him a regular meal. Praising God for positive things today and for those coming.
Today seemed like it went on forever. One of those days. I had to set my phone alarm to get me up in time to take both the girls for their dentist appointment. Two girls from their office called yesterday to confirm their appointment and then they did it again today. The girl told me that if I did not return their call they would book someone over our appointment. I think she caught me at the wrong time. I flew off on her. I have never had to confirm before and we have never not shown up for our appointments. Needless to say I felt like I had to apologize to her. (Knowing full well this was the tactic of the devil to start my day our stressing and angry and missing the blessings God had in store for me today) So I fixed it and apologized.
Afterward I came home long enough to get Ken's lunch fixed and I was off and running again. I had to pick up things for my parents house at the grocery store, pick up things Dad needed and get his bills so I could pay them.
The truck needed gas so I went to fill up CNG in the truck and the station was broke down. I did not stress... just went to the station on 15th and Sheridan before going to the hospital. I was running late. My Dad was waiting in his wheelchair for me to take him over to see my Mom. I took him over and he stayed for about an hour. I took him back to his room and then went back to stay with Mom a little longer. I wanted to make sure they turned her and that she was comfortable before I left. She certainly does not get the best care in there. She is taken better care of at home. One of the nurses tore her medical boots I made her for Christmas. Not sure how they could have been so rough to do that but it can be fixed just frustrating but not worth stressing.
On my way home I decided to surprise the girls with Taco Bell. I was hungry and didn't feel like cooking. I know they were happy.
Today's progress... My Mom has been cut back to breathing treatments every 6 hours instead of every 4 hours. This is an improvement and she does not seem as congested.
As for Dad he looked good. When my Dad walks he has to swing his left leg forward by using his hip. He is able to hold his weight but not move his leg at will. He said he walked farther today and he moved his left big toe a little. Tomorrow they are going to feed him a regular meal. Praising God for positive things today and for those coming.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Tuesday Jan 12
Right now I am home for a short period of time to try and keep things going on here at home. Got Ken's lunch fixed and him off to work. The girls are working on their school. I went up to the hospital earlier after I got up. I had some issues to resolve with my Dad so I want to catch his case worker while she was there.
One of the issues is that I felt they have been over medicating my Dad. When the girls and I went up last night (and this is how it has been the last few days) Dad was out asleep. Even during the days when I happen to be there he is napping/sleeping most of the time. Apparently they addressed this issue and changed it before I got there. Of course when I went to see Dad he was asleep. Grant it the therapy wears him out but it should not be to this extreme. Also wanted to address the issue of Dad's attitude. It is not Dad to take a no concern attitude where my Mom is concerned. Apparently this is a little due to the stroke after effects and because they have him on anti depressants. Which they changed today too. I am hoping when I go up here shortly I will start to see a little difference. Leaving it in Gods hands...
I know a lot of you are asking how I am doing ... My mind is in the right place. I know God is in control and he will do what the doctors can not do. Getting this across to my body sometimes is not as fast. Rushing around and the devil trying to put negative thoughts in my mind etc... is playing havoc with my stomach. But the Lord will help me there too. He knows I have complete trust in him for ALL things.
One of the issues is that I felt they have been over medicating my Dad. When the girls and I went up last night (and this is how it has been the last few days) Dad was out asleep. Even during the days when I happen to be there he is napping/sleeping most of the time. Apparently they addressed this issue and changed it before I got there. Of course when I went to see Dad he was asleep. Grant it the therapy wears him out but it should not be to this extreme. Also wanted to address the issue of Dad's attitude. It is not Dad to take a no concern attitude where my Mom is concerned. Apparently this is a little due to the stroke after effects and because they have him on anti depressants. Which they changed today too. I am hoping when I go up here shortly I will start to see a little difference. Leaving it in Gods hands...
I know a lot of you are asking how I am doing ... My mind is in the right place. I know God is in control and he will do what the doctors can not do. Getting this across to my body sometimes is not as fast. Rushing around and the devil trying to put negative thoughts in my mind etc... is playing havoc with my stomach. But the Lord will help me there too. He knows I have complete trust in him for ALL things.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday Jan 9
I am sitting here at the computer trying to reflect over the last 24 hours and also to wake myself up. If I knew what a hangover felt like I think this is what it must feel like.
First of all when you stand in faith for something you have to realize things are not going to be easy, in fact they may get even harder because the devil is not going to just give up ground he has gained without putting up a fight. He is going to send things to discourage you and make you feel like giving up. But you can't.
Yesterday when we got up Ken realized we had a leaking pipe in our master bedroom shower. This ended up a major deal and had our water off in the house until the wee hours into today. Thus we were not even able to get a shower let alone was our hands etc... Frustration #1 the things we take for granted. I had to places to be... needed to go see my Dad at the hospital and then go take over with my Mom so my brother could get some sleep.
Then Rick called and said my Mom was breathing too fast so then it got worse. We ended up calling 911 and my Mom was taken to the Emergency Room at St. Francis. This ends up being story for another time because I do not have time to post it now.
Long story short my Mom is in the ICU unit on the 4th floor with Pneumonia and UT infection and my Dad is on the 4th floor in the Rehab unit.
First of all when you stand in faith for something you have to realize things are not going to be easy, in fact they may get even harder because the devil is not going to just give up ground he has gained without putting up a fight. He is going to send things to discourage you and make you feel like giving up. But you can't.
Yesterday when we got up Ken realized we had a leaking pipe in our master bedroom shower. This ended up a major deal and had our water off in the house until the wee hours into today. Thus we were not even able to get a shower let alone was our hands etc... Frustration #1 the things we take for granted. I had to places to be... needed to go see my Dad at the hospital and then go take over with my Mom so my brother could get some sleep.
Then Rick called and said my Mom was breathing too fast so then it got worse. We ended up calling 911 and my Mom was taken to the Emergency Room at St. Francis. This ends up being story for another time because I do not have time to post it now.
Long story short my Mom is in the ICU unit on the 4th floor with Pneumonia and UT infection and my Dad is on the 4th floor in the Rehab unit.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Friday January 8
Today has been a long day. It is after 11:00 pm and my day has been going non stop since about 2:30 pm this afternoon. I can not tell you everything I did today. Well I could... but I won't because if I repeat it then my body will go OMG... that is why I am tired. It is a psychological thing if that makes sense. Kind of tricking my body.
I am here at my parents house watching over my Mom. The girls are home with their
Dad. As I sit here alone this seems the opportune time to write this...
I have been reading the book by Joyce Meyer called "Battlefield Of The Mind." It was recommended by another home school Mom (Paula Brown... thank you Paula..love you girl! ) I highly recommend you read it! It has opened up doors for me in ways you can not imagine. I am not really good at speaking words and explaining things. When I am going through things I keep them to myself and usually do not tell unless I am asking for prayer so with the Holy Spirits help I will try to reveal what I have learned.
For the last 3 years (since the death of my sister,Sherrie) I have allowed the devil to get his foot in the door of my mind by allowing my thoughts to bring me into a deep state of depression. I have felt the weight of this in every aspect of my life. By not reigning in my thoughts I have not been able to listen for that still small voice and the Holy Spirit to lead me and give me victory and joy in my life.
After my sister died my Mother's health plummeted. Right now Mom is on a respirator and unable to do anything for herself. My Dad has been the primary care giver of my Mom since with my brother Rick's help. So on top of my sister's death then my Mom it has been a down hill slope for me since. The devil has told me that God was not listening or going to heal my Mom. I have seen so many miracles of healing in her life. Why now was there no healing were my thoughts. The devil had planted that seed of doubt in me. In order for faith to work you can not doubt. Until I read this book I could not see... it was like I had blinders on because emotions had been ruling my thoughts. As I began to read this book it was like my soul was starving and could not get enough. I think each chapter has brought tears to my eyes. It was like Jesus was talking to my heart because I could not find my way out of this valley I was in. If you have dealt with depression on any level please consider reading this book.
The day after Christmas my Dad had a stroke. So with my Dad in the hospital my brother and I take care of our Mom. It is very difficult to be in three places at once. At the hospital with Dad, help with my Mom so my brother can get rest and then take care of my own family. My husband and daughters have been a big help and I could not do this without them. We will get through this with Gods help. He is our strength and endurance. Good things are going to come from this! People are going to be blessed because God will be glorified in all this! Amazing things are on the horizon.
I am here at my parents house watching over my Mom. The girls are home with their
Dad. As I sit here alone this seems the opportune time to write this...
I have been reading the book by Joyce Meyer called "Battlefield Of The Mind." It was recommended by another home school Mom (Paula Brown... thank you Paula..love you girl! ) I highly recommend you read it! It has opened up doors for me in ways you can not imagine. I am not really good at speaking words and explaining things. When I am going through things I keep them to myself and usually do not tell unless I am asking for prayer so with the Holy Spirits help I will try to reveal what I have learned.
For the last 3 years (since the death of my sister,Sherrie) I have allowed the devil to get his foot in the door of my mind by allowing my thoughts to bring me into a deep state of depression. I have felt the weight of this in every aspect of my life. By not reigning in my thoughts I have not been able to listen for that still small voice and the Holy Spirit to lead me and give me victory and joy in my life.
After my sister died my Mother's health plummeted. Right now Mom is on a respirator and unable to do anything for herself. My Dad has been the primary care giver of my Mom since with my brother Rick's help. So on top of my sister's death then my Mom it has been a down hill slope for me since. The devil has told me that God was not listening or going to heal my Mom. I have seen so many miracles of healing in her life. Why now was there no healing were my thoughts. The devil had planted that seed of doubt in me. In order for faith to work you can not doubt. Until I read this book I could not see... it was like I had blinders on because emotions had been ruling my thoughts. As I began to read this book it was like my soul was starving and could not get enough. I think each chapter has brought tears to my eyes. It was like Jesus was talking to my heart because I could not find my way out of this valley I was in. If you have dealt with depression on any level please consider reading this book.
The day after Christmas my Dad had a stroke. So with my Dad in the hospital my brother and I take care of our Mom. It is very difficult to be in three places at once. At the hospital with Dad, help with my Mom so my brother can get rest and then take care of my own family. My husband and daughters have been a big help and I could not do this without them. We will get through this with Gods help. He is our strength and endurance. Good things are going to come from this! People are going to be blessed because God will be glorified in all this! Amazing things are on the horizon.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wed Janurary 6
Going to be a long day today. I woke up early and went to see my Dad. I knew Ken would be driving the girls and I to my parents house when he went to work in case the weather went bad. Our Impala does not do ice or snow. So with that in mind I needed to get up and go see Dad before my day began.
When I went to see Dad he told me that they had put a machine on his left hand to send electrical impulses to. He said he felt the electricity and it caused his fingers to spread apart. That was the positive thing for today. I am focusing on the positive things not the negative things. I expect something positive everyday. If I expect negative then that is what we will get.
The weather was suppose to bring more snow and ice. I prayed for the weather not to get bad because it effects everything I need to do. Less sleep and not able to get around. So I am standing on Gods word that the weather will not obstruct what I have to do.
When I went to see Dad he told me that they had put a machine on his left hand to send electrical impulses to. He said he felt the electricity and it caused his fingers to spread apart. That was the positive thing for today. I am focusing on the positive things not the negative things. I expect something positive everyday. If I expect negative then that is what we will get.
The weather was suppose to bring more snow and ice. I prayed for the weather not to get bad because it effects everything I need to do. Less sleep and not able to get around. So I am standing on Gods word that the weather will not obstruct what I have to do.
January 5th
Went to see Dad this evening before going to my parents house.
Dad looked good. The left side of his face seems normal now ...not any sign of drooping like it was before. He told the girls and I that they wore him out in physical therapy today. I told him well that is what they do to get you back on your feet so you can go home. He said he kicked his left foot forward today. That is my positive thing for today.
After we seen Dad the girls and I went to my parents house to relieve my brother so he can get some rest. With Dad having the stroke the day after Christmas I have been going non stop since then. Since all this happened I have not had much time to fix dinner for Ken and the girls and so I brought the stuff to make rigatoni tonight. I made two large pans(one to leave for my brother and one to take home) I did not have any ricotta cheese to put in it but it must not have mattered because my picky eater loved it and said I should make it more often. So the girls ate some there and we brought some home for Ken.
Tonight the girls did their school and when I was not doing things for Mom I sat down and started reading the book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer that I have the girls reading. I read about 5 chapters. It is really a good book and I find it helpful right now.
When I am over at my parents house watching my Mom, especially when I am by myself I have to do something to occupy my mind. I usually check my email and get on facebook a little but I can only handle so much of that. I am trying to post things here because it is too hard to keep up with email and phone calls to everyone. So I have been giving everyone this link so it is easier for me to inform those who are interested. I discovered that if I crochet it keeps my hands busy and I do not have to think too much. Somehow it is relaxing and a stress reliever in some ways. Only I ran out of yarn. :( I already made two pot holders in the last week.
Well... got to finish Dad's laundry before heading off to get some sleep. Praying the weather will not be as predicted... means less sleep for me because Ken will have to drop me and the girls off as he goes to work. ( 4 hours earlier than we have been going)
Dad looked good. The left side of his face seems normal now ...not any sign of drooping like it was before. He told the girls and I that they wore him out in physical therapy today. I told him well that is what they do to get you back on your feet so you can go home. He said he kicked his left foot forward today. That is my positive thing for today.
After we seen Dad the girls and I went to my parents house to relieve my brother so he can get some rest. With Dad having the stroke the day after Christmas I have been going non stop since then. Since all this happened I have not had much time to fix dinner for Ken and the girls and so I brought the stuff to make rigatoni tonight. I made two large pans(one to leave for my brother and one to take home) I did not have any ricotta cheese to put in it but it must not have mattered because my picky eater loved it and said I should make it more often. So the girls ate some there and we brought some home for Ken.
Tonight the girls did their school and when I was not doing things for Mom I sat down and started reading the book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer that I have the girls reading. I read about 5 chapters. It is really a good book and I find it helpful right now.
When I am over at my parents house watching my Mom, especially when I am by myself I have to do something to occupy my mind. I usually check my email and get on facebook a little but I can only handle so much of that. I am trying to post things here because it is too hard to keep up with email and phone calls to everyone. So I have been giving everyone this link so it is easier for me to inform those who are interested. I discovered that if I crochet it keeps my hands busy and I do not have to think too much. Somehow it is relaxing and a stress reliever in some ways. Only I ran out of yarn. :( I already made two pot holders in the last week.
Well... got to finish Dad's laundry before heading off to get some sleep. Praying the weather will not be as predicted... means less sleep for me because Ken will have to drop me and the girls off as he goes to work. ( 4 hours earlier than we have been going)
Monday, January 4, 2010
January 4th
It is about 1:30 am
I miss my girls. It is a long night when you are alone. I am sure my brother gets lonesome here by himself too. I get a taste of what my Dad did since I am doing his shift. I would call him during the night but still it has to be lonely. I know he usually watches religious stations during the night. I am watching the life time network and chatting off and on with Kendra on Facebook.
At least my Mom is resting good and has not needed to be suctioned out much. And my brother seems to be getting some rest too. I am trying to occupy my mind with something so when I am driving home I am not tired.
I miss my girls. It is a long night when you are alone. I am sure my brother gets lonesome here by himself too. I get a taste of what my Dad did since I am doing his shift. I would call him during the night but still it has to be lonely. I know he usually watches religious stations during the night. I am watching the life time network and chatting off and on with Kendra on Facebook.
At least my Mom is resting good and has not needed to be suctioned out much. And my brother seems to be getting some rest too. I am trying to occupy my mind with something so when I am driving home I am not tired.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
January 3
I can't sleep... My mind keeps thinking about everything. I have a rash on my hands from washing my hands so much and from scratching them from stress without knowing it.
Both my daughters have been so thoughtful during this time with everything that is going on. I know they are feeling the stress too and dealing with a lot. They both have shown in their own way that they love and care about their family.
Kendra had the opportunity to stay home the other night with her Dad and not go to my parents house. She wanted to go with me and it helped me so much. I was so tired and do not know if I could have made it through the night without her help. She helped keep me focused and awake during the drive home. Then when we got home she knew I was stressed out and she brushed my hair and rubbed my back and shoulders till I fell asleep. I am so proud of her and her sister for all the help they have given their family. They both are amazing girls and their Dad and I are so proud of them!!
4:00pm I am sitting here with Mom and Ken and the girls took Rick up to the hospital to see Dad. Mom has been given her liquid vitamins and feeding. Rick will give her her second breathing treatment when he gets back from the hospital.
Well... got back over to Mom and Dad's house about 7:00pm. It is just me tonight. My brother was really tired after pulling a long day by his self yesterday. I wanted to get here earlier so he could get to bed earlier tonight. I will be leaving here about 4:00 am. Right now Mom is resting peacefully. Ken told me earlier today when they went up to see Dad when he yawned he lifted his left arm up. That is my positive thing for today! Thank you Lord!
Both my daughters have been so thoughtful during this time with everything that is going on. I know they are feeling the stress too and dealing with a lot. They both have shown in their own way that they love and care about their family.
Kendra had the opportunity to stay home the other night with her Dad and not go to my parents house. She wanted to go with me and it helped me so much. I was so tired and do not know if I could have made it through the night without her help. She helped keep me focused and awake during the drive home. Then when we got home she knew I was stressed out and she brushed my hair and rubbed my back and shoulders till I fell asleep. I am so proud of her and her sister for all the help they have given their family. They both are amazing girls and their Dad and I are so proud of them!!
4:00pm I am sitting here with Mom and Ken and the girls took Rick up to the hospital to see Dad. Mom has been given her liquid vitamins and feeding. Rick will give her her second breathing treatment when he gets back from the hospital.
Well... got back over to Mom and Dad's house about 7:00pm. It is just me tonight. My brother was really tired after pulling a long day by his self yesterday. I wanted to get here earlier so he could get to bed earlier tonight. I will be leaving here about 4:00 am. Right now Mom is resting peacefully. Ken told me earlier today when they went up to see Dad when he yawned he lifted his left arm up. That is my positive thing for today! Thank you Lord!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My Birthday
This will be the first night I have not went to my parents house since the day after Christmas. My brother is sleeping on the sofa next to my Mom so I can spend my birthday at home with my family.
I have been running on about 4 hours of sleep for the last week. After getting home this morning from my parents house about 5:00 am I went to bed and did not get up till about 3:00 pm today.
First time I have gotten any real rest.
Ken, and the girls and I went to visit my Dad at the hospital this evening. They had this regular phone next to his bed that you had to have two hands to function. We asked them for a phone he could maneuver with one hand. Very light weight and easy for him to use with only having use of his right hand right now. He looked like he was resting better now. They told us he stood up on his feet today (with some help from them getting him on his feet) Positive thing for today!!!!
After we visited Dad Ken and the girls took me out to eat at Chili's. They also gave me a new zoom lens for my camera. Wasn't expecting that one. Now I am going to go sit in the chair and watch tv with Ken (most likely will not last long and probably fall asleep soon after)
I have been running on about 4 hours of sleep for the last week. After getting home this morning from my parents house about 5:00 am I went to bed and did not get up till about 3:00 pm today.
First time I have gotten any real rest.
Ken, and the girls and I went to visit my Dad at the hospital this evening. They had this regular phone next to his bed that you had to have two hands to function. We asked them for a phone he could maneuver with one hand. Very light weight and easy for him to use with only having use of his right hand right now. He looked like he was resting better now. They told us he stood up on his feet today (with some help from them getting him on his feet) Positive thing for today!!!!
After we visited Dad Ken and the girls took me out to eat at Chili's. They also gave me a new zoom lens for my camera. Wasn't expecting that one. Now I am going to go sit in the chair and watch tv with Ken (most likely will not last long and probably fall asleep soon after)
January 2, 2010
I am sitting here with Kendra watching Mom. Dad is in the hospital and has had a stroke. I am very tired tonight. Not sure how long I can keep up this pace. I know God will give me strength. He says he will not allow more to be put on us than we can bare but my body and emotions are crying I give...enough... but I hold out knowing God will provide and bring us through this.
Dad at this time can not move his left hand and is not able to get himself out of the chair.
Dad has been miserable in the hospital bed and I have been talking to hospital staff etc... trying to get something done to no avail. Dad has bed burns on his elbows, ankles from twisting his self around in the bed. Finally I went to Walmart and purchased a memory foam mattress topper to put on top of his bed. I prayed for something positive today because I can not take any more negative. After putting the mattress topper on his bed and getting him back into bed you could see the difference in him. I asked him Dad how does that feel? And he sighed a big sigh and said Good! I am confident that tonight will be his first real rest in a week. I got something possitive today... Thank you Jesus!
Dad at this time can not move his left hand and is not able to get himself out of the chair.
Dad has been miserable in the hospital bed and I have been talking to hospital staff etc... trying to get something done to no avail. Dad has bed burns on his elbows, ankles from twisting his self around in the bed. Finally I went to Walmart and purchased a memory foam mattress topper to put on top of his bed. I prayed for something positive today because I can not take any more negative. After putting the mattress topper on his bed and getting him back into bed you could see the difference in him. I asked him Dad how does that feel? And he sighed a big sigh and said Good! I am confident that tonight will be his first real rest in a week. I got something possitive today... Thank you Jesus!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
