A new day...

For this is the day that the Lord hath made and I will be glad in it.

I know God has blessings in store for me and my family because I put my trust in him alone. Sometimes we waste so much time on what is happening around us we fail to see God's blessings. I thank God for all that he is doing in my life. I will rejoice.

So many distractions... I look to you Father for direction today and praise you for all that you are doing behind the scenes of my life.

Are you a person that tries to fix everything yourself? I am and it is a hard habit to break. It comes at a cost. For years I have done this and it has taken its toll on me emotionally and physically. God says to cast All our care on him. I break this chain today Lord. All I am or what I am to be is in your hands. You are my savior and my rock!

I will laugh

Sometimes the devil will throw so much at you that you feel there is no more joy in your life. This is where I have been the last few years. You have the victory so you have to stand in faith and smile or laugh that you know the devil does not have control. He does not have authority over us ... only if you let him.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. If we are not careful we only see the problems we are facing and we do not see with God's eyes. We do not see that he has already answered our prayer and he is at work to manifest it to us. One of our pastors spoke a wonderful sermon that was looking at ourselves and others through the eyes of God. We would see things so differently. We must ask God to let us see others through his eyes.
The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4

Jesus To The Rescue...

Today was one of those days where it starts out ok and then one thing tops it over and it is a land slide.

First of all Ken let me sleep in and he took Kari to school today. What a sweetie! Then at 10:30 my phone alarm woke me up to go pick her up at the bus stop. Up till now everything is pretty much normal. It was after I dropped Kari home and decided to go fill up the truck with CNG.

As I was driving home I noticed police lights on behind me and a policeman pulled me over. My first question after greeting the policeman was "What did I do?" He told me a I had an expired tag. I got a ticket for $109.00 The day just went down hill after that.

As the day continued with calls from my Mom's doctor, then playing phone tag with Advantage on trying to set up some help for my parents and brother. I finally got through just before 5:00 pm. Most of this was done in route to getting groceries for my parents house. Then it was off to meeting Ken at the tag agency so I he could put a new sticker tag on the truck before I went to my parents house to relieve my brother.
As I was traveling to my parents house I told the devil he was not getting the best of me no matter how much mud he was going to sling today. Satan ...In the name of Jesus flee! God is on watch here and he had to go. Praise God for the victory in Jesus name!

Word of praise... Thank you God for the progress my Dad is making in moving his left arm and walking with a cane. Glory to the God!!!

Praising God

Praising God for a day without stress! I owe it ALL to Him! Thank you Father for loving me so much. I love you!

September 4, 2010

My stomach feels like a knife is being twisted in it. I feel sick ...I am having continuous nose bleeds and I can not rest. I realize I can not keep up this pace much longer.

After saying this I know this is not what God has for me. My allowing the devil to torment me is not showing faith.
I know God heard my prayers. He has answered. Now I put my trust in Him to manifest the answer. In the name of Jesus I command Satan to flee!!!!!

I pray for mercy and blessings. I know our God is a merciful God! I believe God's blessings are on my family. Satan has no authority here or in my parents home. In Jesus name! Amen!

September 3, 2010

I have been running around all morning. It is hard to sleep when there is so much to do. So I figured I might as well get things done. I am sure this is going to catch up with me sooner or later.

I went to the hospital to make sure things were going the way they were suppose to. Making sure the Ostomy nurses had checked out the things needed for Mom to go home so there would not be issues for my brother to deal with over the weekend and if something did come up what to do.

I called Moms PCP to find out a new breathing treatment that was given by the hospital would not conflict with her current one. I kept calling back to remind them but they were busy. Its a Friday and a holiday weekend at that.

I talked to the hospital liaison before leaving. Next was to go to my parents house to set things up for assistance with Advantage. While I was on the road there I got a call from my brother. He was mad and said to send Mom to a home he was not going to do this. I tried to get him to talk to me but he is not good at doing that. I asked him if we could talk when I got there because I was on my way there.

Once I got there he was argumentative. Not sure why he is so wishy washy but I am at my wits end. Talking to him seems pointless... I am trying to keep my cool and not go off on him but it is not easy. I have talked to him on the phone at least 3 times today and nothing said but when is Mom coming home. Now all of a sudden he is like this. By the time I left we had decided to bring her home. At least for now. I asked him to give me a couple weeks and he would see that he is going to have some relief. Not sure I can even trust him for that. But I have to give this a try for my Mother's sake.

I got on the phone with Advantage and did an over the phone application for help. The girl I talked to was going to put a priority on it to expedite it. They should be calling us the first of the week I would hope. Hopefully we will get some help.

My brother has not said it but I think he thinks I should be there half of the time. He lives there and does not have a family, does not work so he does not understand my family responsibilities. I am running on empty most of the time but he would never understand that. My Dad understands and I know my Mom knows I am there for her. But most importantly I know God knows I am doing my best and that is what counts.

September 2, 2010

I am so exhausted. I could not sleep last night thinking about my Mom. I know God is in control and I am leaving it there. I am not stressing, but just all this milling over in my head when I tired to sleep made it impossible. When I finally fell asleep it wasn't long before I heard my phone alarm going off to get Kari at school.

Then I realized all the things that needed to be done so I opted to just go get them done.
I went to the hospital and talked to the case worker Marilyn. She has been so nice and helpful in all this. She was actually glad to hear we wanted Mom to come back home. And nothing brought up like St. Francis Home Health Care said about she would not be able to come home. Marilyn is working with us to make that happen tomorrow. Thank you Jesus! The Saint Francis Home Health care system refused to provide care(which we knew they were probably going to do) So now Marilyn is working on getting a new home health care provider. Hopefully this will keep us on track for getting Mom home tomorrow. But the good news is she is coming home not to a nursing home. :) God is good!

September 1, 2010

Very emotional day that has left me drained physically but I know in my heart God reigns and is going to turn something bad into something good.

I have been on a roller coaster with sleep since we got back from our trip. I still have not gotten adjusted to our youngest going to a morning class at Tech. Today when I was on my way to pick her up I had a missed call from my Mom's wound nurse and she wanted me to call her back ASAP.

As it turned out my brother was so stressed out he said he would not take care of Mom anymore and walked off. This was due to the pin rose drain opening up and he was over whelmed by it.
Anyway given my Mom's situation she needs 24/7 care and they said she would have to go to a nursing home. By the time I got there the ambulance was already there.

I have cried so many tears it is hard to focus and write this. I understand my brother's position, but him going off like that without discussing it with me and my Dad first was not a wise choice.
I go over there when I can to help but it is very difficult to spread it out between two people and my brother ends up taking the brunt of it because he lives there. If he would have only discussed it with me and my Dad we could have looked into getting nurses to come in a couple times a week so he could get out more often. It is impossible for me to take Mom home with me because I can not do it all alone. My brother told me if Sherrie were here we would not have this problem. I know he is right. Now that home health is involved we may have legal issues trying to get her back home. They told me that once she leaves there she would not be able to come home anymore. And now my brother is sorry and wanting her back home. I am leaving that in God's hands.

When the ambulance left today they were taking Mom the hospital until a nursing home is decided upon. My heart is breaking. I never wanted to see my Mom go to a nursing home. I have seen nursing homes when my grandmother had to be put in one and it is a place someone goes to to die. I know for certain my Mom would not want to go to one either.

Today I prayed something I have never prayed before. I asked God to manifest healing in my Mom or take her home to be with him. That was a difficult prayer for me but I would rather her not be here anymore if she has to go to a nursing home. I know Mom's wishes would be the same. She will not get the care she gets at home. She does not even get the same care in ICU at the hospital she gets at home. So the nursing home is a big step down from that.

August 31, 2010

The doctor woke me up after only laying down for a few minutes this morning. The doctor was the rudest doctor I have ever encountered. He was one of those doctors that would not let you get a word in. He was hateful and I felt my sin nature rise up in me. (Anger) Well... after that I there was no way I could go to sleep.

Once I picked up Kari from Tech I took the vent up to the hospital for Mom so she could go home today. I made sure everything was to go as planned and of course it never does. 'While I was there the doctor was on the phone and the nurse asked if I wanted to talk to him I assured her I did not.

Then I had to go to a graduation meeting tonight. It was informative and did not last long. Any other time I would have loved to hang out and chat but there was still things to do at home.

Laundry and fixing dinner were on the agenda. I tired to watch a movie with my father in law but I think I may have fell asleep at points through out the movie. More later when I feel up to it.

August 30, 2010 Reflections

I have not kept up this site due to so much going on on a daily basis that is overwhelming for me sometimes. I have a tendency to hold things in and then when I can talk about them their is too much information and I do not know where to begin. However I do think that I need to off load this regularly because it will be a testimony to what God is doing in my life and my parents. This is one of satan's tricks to cause disparity and not give God credit. We give to much authority to satan without realizing it and then he thinks he has the upper hand with us. But we have to remember we have the VICTORY and the battle is already won through Jesus Christ.

Yesterday began with me taking our youngest to the bus drop off for Tech. When my day should be normally going to bed at this time. After coming home and laying down for about an hour my Dad called me and told me that Mom had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital around 9:00 am . I am in a whirlwind of things to do now. When Mom goes to the hospital this means that I am the only one who can go be with her since my Dad is not able to drive or get around completely since his stroke in December of last year. After I pick up Kari at school and bring her home I am off to the hospital.

The reason Mom is going to the hospital is because the pin rose drain that is was on her stomach that has been closed up for the last few years has opened up again. (only way to say this to help you understand is... now her bowels are also coming out of her stomach...sorry that this is too much information, but the only way to make you understand the severity of the situation if you are not medically informed is to tell you in layman's terms.)
We feel this has opened because since her last hospital stay a few weeks ago the doctor sent her home with a new medicine called Cytra 2, which is to replace the acidity in her stomach that she loses. We feel this has caused complications. So not only is she dealing with this she is also recovering from a bedsore wound from a previous hospital stay that has left her with a open wound on her back to deal with. We had a wound vac on this to help it heal but in the last 3 weeks home health care took away because it was not progressing at the rate they felt to warrant it to pay for it. Not sure I understand that one. She still has a hole in her back so... you take away the thing that could help it but because it is not healing at the rate they want they take it away? So what do you do with it now?

Since my Dad's stoke in December my brother Rick has been the primary care taker for both my Mom and Dad since he lives there and does not work. I know this is difficult for my brother and I do what I can. On a fixed income my Dad can not afford to have a medical nurse to help. They are too expensive and to get medical assistance they want you to sign everything over to the government (title to your house, vehicles etc...) and then they might help.
Some people say you should just let your Mom go. I do not understand this. What is the alternative? Pull the plug on her ventilator? She breathes on her own. The vent is to assist. That reminds me of the one where the person just stop the feeding on one person and they actually starved to death. How humane is that? Sure we could put my Mom in a home but that is not an option for us. The cruelty of that is mind boggling. When it is her time to go God will be the one to decide that not me, you, a doctor or another family member. Sometimes this is a way to relieve their conscience so they do not have to help and can be out of site out of mind. I could not live with myself if I did that. Where has family loyalty gone? We are living in the end times. The bible tells us that the natural affection will be gone and how else can you explain it. This is satan's ruling domain. Sickness and death is domain.

I do not know why we must go through what we are going through now. I know there is a reason and we may not understand it now. I know my Mom has had so much put on her body with sickness. I know we are not suppose to hate but I think my hating satan does not fall under the same category. I have never wanted to punch someone in the face like I do him. But I remember... he has already lost because Jesus already beat him and we have power over him in Jesus name. So I command him to flee in Jesus name.

By around 6:00 pm my Mom was out of the ER and in ICU for observation. I have learned early on when you go to the ER this is never short of 9 hours on any given time.

Since this was our daughter's 16th birthday I left and we took her out to eat at the place of her choice. We took her to Ted's. After dinner the waiters and waitresses put a pink sombrero on her head and sang Happy Birthday to her. Priceless!

Hard day...

Today was an extremely difficult day.
I have been getting up early to go visit my Mom in the hospital everyday. There is so much to do that I only get over there once a day lately. The girls have prom this Saturday so it has been rushing around trying to find shoes, cover ups for their dresses etc...
I have rubbed my eyes to the extent of rubbing out clumps of eye lashes. :( Never done that before. I am going to have to wear false eye lashes this Saturday so I don't look ridiculous with missing eye lashes.
Also my Dad has been making me stress (not on purpose on his part) but he is in such a negative mood. He does not want to really do anything to take back his life. It is like he waits till I come over there and do it for him. (like paying his bills) I can not keep up with everything. He does not even want to call insurance companies to straighten out anything. I had to put my foot down and tell him he had to do it.
Ken and I are both chaperone's at the home school prom and I went to find something to wear and had no luck only came away feeling discouraged. I decided finding a dress was not going to happen. It would be a waste of money that we do not have. I would never wear it again so not going to happen. After shopping I had to swing by Walmart by the mall and pick up a purse because my purse broke while I was dress shopping. When I came out I could not find my truck and thought it has been stolen because my remote would not sound. As it turns out I had parked completely on the other side of the parking lot. My mind does not work so well when it is sleep deprived. Maybe it does not work so well even when it isn't. lol!

Anyway to end my day I felt like I had to fall on my knees in prayer to come back to life again. Now I feel much better. Thank you Lord for not forsaking me. You were there all a long just waiting for me to come to you.

The latest...

Lots happening here...

Sunday when I was at the hospital visiting with my Mom I noticed she has bruising up and down her arms and even on her chest. Then a lab tech came in to take two cultures because the doctor thinks she may have an infection. (Well ya... its on her back.) Anyway I have been telling them they need to put a central line in so they are not sticking her everyday for blood. I told them this a week ago. Now they say it is not their policy to do central lines. What conflicting information. Anyway I had them call the doctor and I told him no more sticks. They could put in a central line. He says ok. Then Monday when I went in they came and told me they could not do anymore for my Mom since I would not allow them to take blood so they could send her home with the wound vac. I said ok that is where I have wanted her from the beginning. She is only here for the wound.
Today they called me and said Medicare would not pay for the wound vac at home. She was not a candidate because her wound was not progressing. I said... So is this Obama Care where you life value is determined by someone else? She said they would send her home with a bandage on her wound that had to be changed daily. Or they could continue to keep her until the 19th and keep trying. But I would have to allow them to take blood with the stipulation that only the best of the best is the one trying to get a vein.
What other choice are you giving me. I can not just bring her home without giving her the best opportunity for the wound. I told her what I said to her the day before that the one who would heal this wound would be God not a doctor or a wound nurse.

Secondly there has been rumor of Ken's job moving to Dallas for a long time now so this has been stressing me out with all the is going on with my parents. Then Monday American Airlines made it official and announced it. One year from now they will move the desk to Dallas. I had to break the news to my Dad so he would not hear it from someone else. My Dad did not say anything or react but I know my Dad and I could tell he was depressed. It broke my heart to tell him.

I prayed about this and I know my home (which we love and built it the way we wanted it) is just a house and material so it can be replaced. But God knows that I can not live with myself if I feel I am leaving my parents in distress. So I am trusting him for healing in my Mom and Dad and to work all this out. God says if we ask ANYTHING in the name of Jesus and we believe we would have it. God's word does not lie. And I know God is never late he is always on time. So waiting for healing to manifest. I am also rebuking satan's hold on my parents. In the name of Jesus he has to flee. He has no authority over God's children!

Saturday

Today I set my alarm to get up early so I could take my Dad and my brother over to see Mom. Thank God she was moved finally to the private room closer to the nurses station. We have to suit up to visit. This is for Moms benefit. They do not want anyone to pass on any germs or for her to get any kind of infection. Just more for her to deal with.

I had to get back home before 5:00 pm because Kari had a guitar lesson. After her lesson I went back up by myself. When I came in the room mom did not look comfortable so I called a tech to come and help me move her. With having a bed wound you would think she would be turned more often. I told her tech I had seen her lay in the same position since she came in. And it was confirmed when I pulled the pillow out from under her leg. (they had one leg on top of each other with a pillow in between.) On the leg under neath it had pressure marks all up and down it. I said look at this... she can not lay with her legs like this. The tech apologized but that doesn't change anything. I will have to follow up on this and make sure she is moved myself. They think because she is on a Clinitron bed she doesn't have to be moved. Not true! She got this wound from being in ICU the last time she was in the hospital.

The Last Couple Days...

Yesterday before going to the Continuous Care Unit at St. Johns I prayed that God would help me to control my temper. (That I would not have a psycho moment seems to always happen when Mom goes somewhere new.) I have little tolerance for someone who does not regard the proper care of my loved ones. This is how the devil tries to get to me IF I allow it.

Mom had only been there for less than 3 hours and I was having it out with the head nurse.
Guess I had better back tract a little and explain...

Not long after I got there I was getting Mom comfortable. After being there a while I finally met her nurse. I moved out of the way to let her work. She was getting ready to take blood. This was not a good thing because my Mom has tiny rolling veins and is never easy to stick. It gets very frustrating after they have poked and stuck her till she has bruises all up and down her arms. This is very painful for her. I remember once they had to get the life flight guy to come in and do it after 3 or 4 people had tried unsuccessfully. Anyway this is not what set me off...sorry got side tracked.

I stepped behind the nurse and my Mom started coughing/choking and the nurse just stood there and didn't attempt to suction her out. I got mad and probably said this in not too nice of tone "Well if you are not going to do anything I will!" When I finished the nurse had left the room. Where had she gone? Hmmmm... yes she went to complain to the head nurse.
Next thing I know the head nurse is in the room telling me (not very nicely) that it is against their rules and the law for me to suction out my Mom. Well I was seeing red. I told her I didn't care about their rules that if my Mom was choking I was not going to just stand there and do nothing. She said well you are suppose to get her nurse and let her do it. I told her nurse was standing right there and she did nothing. I told her that my Mom had been in this condition since 2007 and I had been trained at St. Francis in what to do. We went round and round for a while and it pretty much ended in me telling her yes you told me your rules but I will do what I have to do if my Mom is in distress. I told her now look this is your Mom would you just stand there? She agreed she would not. I am sure I am not her favorite family member of her patients. I am tired of hearing them brag about they have the best care than anyone. Talk does not cut it with me. Actions speak louder than words. Show me!


Today:
I was feeling down after going to see my Mom this afternoon. I am certain she will never get the care we expect. No one takes care of your loved one like your family. It is all the little things... that I will not go into. Then I spoke with the wound nurse and she was negative. I really dislike it when someone is like that. She said that it did not look good and that when your nutrition is bad like that it doesn't get better. We will keep trying. My response was that is what you do to keep trying and God will do the healing. No response from her of course.

Tonight I dropped the girls off a High School game night and then went up to the hospital to visit with Mom. She was still down at the end of the hall and had not been moved to the room next to the nurses station which is a private room. I am trusting God this will happen during the night.
I know in my heart that God is in control of this and I only trust him. I believe in my heart that the healing is there. You can not trust what you see or what you hear from the medical staff. God said in his word if we ask ANYTHING in the name of Jesus we would receive it. So I am waiting and trusting God for the healing to manifest it self. The wound nurse is not going to heal this. The doctors or surgeons are not going to heal this. GOD IS! Thank you for healing in the name of Jesus!

Tough decisions

This has been a difficult week with feeling like I have been under the gun from St. Francis to make decisions for my Mom to go to a LTAC center to get the wound on her lower back on the mend. It needs more care that we are capable of doing at home. One of the problems is her nutrition. With her digestive problems she is not retaining her protein to help with healing. With my Mom being on a vent she does not get the care even in ICU like she does at home. A real concern. I was not going to be rushed into making a decision of this importance.

They had suggested Meadowbrook and I went to check them out Monday. I went away with a bad taste in my mouth. Sure they had nice big rooms and fresh paint on the wall but for someone on a vent I did not feel comfortable about how my Mom would be taken care of. There were restrictions on when I could see her etc...

I had asked for healing from God and did not want her to go anywhere but home. Yesterday Ken went with me to Continuous Care at St. John's. On my way there I felt like my heart was breaking because I felt like taking this step was showing a lack of faith for healing for my Mom.
After talking to God about this I realize that these thoughts were not from God but the devil to bring me down. I had asked for guidance in what to do about this and had asked for her not to have to go to one of these places. But I had also told him his will be done. I knew the healing was there just I didn't feel right on putting God on a time frame. We want things now and maybe their are reasons that we do not understand why. The healing will take place in God's time. I am certain of this. After praying about this I asked God to help me make the right choices and be in his will but to also give me peace about the decision. Then I thanked him for it.

After going to St. John's and talking with the staff and seeing their operation I went away knowing that if Mom was to go anywhere but home this had to be it. If a code is called they are within 30 seconds of help. They have their own respiratory team 24hours. And they are the only LTAC who has the system that if her vent goes off it not only makes noise but it pages respiratory. Mom is being transported their this afternoon. Sometimes when we feel we are alone in doing something we realize God never left he was always there and we just didn't see it. That is where faith comes in... you ask and you trust in Him.

Casting all your care upon Him...

A few weeks ago I went to a homeschool meeting and they have a free table of books etc... As I was about to leave by chance I walked up to the table to see what they had and noticed a book by our pastor's father, Kenneth Hagin Sr. It was titled Bible Prayer Study Guide. I got it thinking it might be something the girls could use in their studies. I ended up picking it up myself and started reading through it and it got my attention. It opened my eyes to some things in my own life which I will explain in a few minutes.

The last few days have been really hectic. With my Mom being in ICU I have been literally taking care of my Mom and my brother has been taking care of my Dad. What has been hard is I have been having to make all the decisions on my Mom. The doctors recommended my Mom go to an acute care center just to get her wound on the mend before she goes home. They do not want to keep her long term in ICU to get this wound on the mend. They recommended Meadowbrook Specialty Hospital. I went there to check it out today. I did not come away with any kind of comfortable feeling. She would be down the hall from the nurses station in a room by herself. With her being on a vent this is a concern of her choking and not being watched properly. This happened when she was in the Specialty Hospital in St. Francis and if my Dad had not been there she would have choked. I addressed this concern to the liaison and she could not address my concerns about this and had no answer for me. It left me feeling distressed and not knowing what to do. I asked God to give me guidance and show me what to do. I went to the hospital after that and stayed with Mom for a while. Not long after being there I ran into the social worker at the hospital in the hall and talked with her. I told her I would like to look into the two other places available before making a decision. (Hillcrest and St. John's) I was feeling like that this was most likely going to be that same situation there too. It was becoming overwhelming how it was stressing me out. Feeling pressure from the hospital etc...
Tonight after dropping the girls off a Regals (with our church) I went back up to the hospital. I found out that the doctors and plastic surgeon will be in at 8:00 am today (Tuesday) to look at my Moms wound. I have asked God for healing and know God heard my prayer. I believe when they look at the wound they will be confounded at the healing.

What I realized after reading some of this book is this...
When we pray we have to leave all our cares with the Lord. When we worry we are picking up the problem again and then God can not do anything because we are tying to fix it oursleves. As I read this I realized this is what I was doing. Forgive me Lord... this is all in your hands now I will not take it back. Now we will see things happen because he has it in his hands.

I am excited and praise God for complete healing and the results on the way!

Very Long day...

Today the surgeon I talked to in the ER called me. They were wanting to put Mom in a critical care facility or acute care nursing facility. Pretty much a nursing home in my opinion. She just gets almost proper care in ICU (You'd think in ICU you could rest and know they are in the best care) NOT TRUE. You have to keep them on their toes even there. They mentioned one of the facilities called Maplewood ( it is just down the street from St. Francis) This is the place my grandma was in and I yanked her out of there. It was terrible. Maybe they have changed this place because the director over it told me it was not a long term facility and most of the residents were not there for more than 25 days. Still I know she will not be watched like she would be at her home. They use to have a skilled nursing in St Francis and Mom was in there a short time. If my Dad had not been with her she would have choked to death. Being on a ventilator closed off in a room down the hall. That is not going to repeat. I can not be there 24/7 like my Dad did.

I know God is going to work things out. No doubt about it!

Thanking God for giving me strength today. Once the doctor woke me up at 10:00 am I could not go back to sleep so my day just ended a few hours ago. It was off to get my Dads groceries, taking them to him, off to the hospital to see Mom, back home to get Ken off to work , to Sams, then to the hospital again until about 9:00 pm. Then off to finish my grocery shopping and fill up the truck at the CNG station. When I left the hospital it was raining. Nothing like a downpour when you are in out of the truck. By the time I got home around midnight I was soaked to the skin.

I am thinking I may fall asleep without much trouble tonight. :)

Mom in ICU

I am trying to post here so family and friends know the latest news on my Mom.
(Continue at your own risk... not pretty)

My Mom has had an ulcer (bed sore) on her lower back since before her last hospital visit. We have a wound nurse coming out to the house but she only comes every two weeks with home health care. We had been trying to treat it by the directions of the wound nurse and it had not gotten any better but worse. So by the direction of the wound nurse my Mom was taken to the ER by ambulance around 4:00 pm Wednesday the 17th.

Once there they pretty much did what I call an combat field medical procedure on my Mom.
(Surgeons are not on my list of favorites... No bed side manners and most of them have the attitude of they are lowering themselves to have to explain anything) After they did their combat maneuver I had the option to bring her home and let her recover at home or admit her and let them get aggressive in getting it on the mend. Well... let me think about this. No I do not want to take her home after you have pretty much taken a box knife to her back without numbing her then to go home not knowing when a wound nurse will come out to attend to it. By midnight my Mom was in ICU.

Today the plastic surgeon came in and looked at her. They put her on a wound bed today. (Clinitron bed)

She is on a cushion of air and sand. This is so there are no pressure points on her anywhere. They also put on V.A.C. Therapy. (Vacuum Assisted Closure) on her wound.

When I was in the ER one her plastic surgeons came in and told me that a wound like that has a 0% chance of healing on its own and with plastic surgery has a little better of a 0% chance of healing.
My response was... so what your saying is with the medical procedure it is most of the time impossible. But I know God is going to heal this and with God it is NOT impossible. This is where I am coming from doctor. He looked at me and seemed to be at a loss for words and quickly changed the subject. Honestly it felt good to say it and I felt my strength and faith rise up when the words came out. No worries... she is on God's watch now and his word does not lie.

Not enough time...

I have not been able to keep this site updated. Just never seems to be enough time. I am writing now because I can not sleep. Today I had a migraine headache. I had been drinking Mountain Dew because it helps me to stay awake. But it has its side effects. If I drink too much then I can not get to sleep when I do get home.

Today is the day I normally take off and not go to my parents house. I have been trying to go to church and spend the day with my family on Sundays. But today I woke up with a migraine and no matter what I did it would not go away. I finally figured out I had not drank a Mountain Dew today so I was most likely having caffeine withdrawals. Sadly I had to drink one just to get rid of the headache. Thus now I can not sleep. It is a vicious cycle. :(

I missed going to church today too.

Thank you Pastor Hagin and DayStar!

I am limiting myself to one Mountain Dew tonight. After not being able to get to sleep this morning I am wore slick now. Afraid 5:00 am won't get here soon enough for me tonight.

I took Sunday off (meaning my brother pulled a day by himself) with the intention of spending it with my family and possibly going to church. I was so tired I couldn't make it to church myself. I was glad that the service was broadcasted on DayStar though so I got to see it. Pastor Hagin preached a good sermon. Got me to thinking about my situation. He said we have to stir up our faith. We have to use our mouth to get our faith to work otherwise we will never get anywhere.
I have been running on fumes for a long time now. Satan will use every device to get us unfocused and exhausted.

I am proclaiming that God cares about the situation I am in. It is not his purpose to see me barely coping but to be victorious. My Dad is going to regain full recovery from his stoke and the dementia is going to reverse its effects on my Mother. I claim this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen!!!

How great God is...

The other night when I was at my parents house I had a traumatic evening. When I got to my parents house my brother ended up leaving when I got there. He said he would be gone for a couple of hours but ended up coming home about 2:00 am and he had been drinking. I wish he would not drink but he is a grown man.

During this night my Dad had told me he did not pay his lot fee so they were charging him a late fee and then later he remembered his and Mom's life insurance had not been paid either. I have a hard time remembering what needs to be paid in my house let alone keeping track of someone else too. So I was a little stressed.

What was traumatic for me was there are certain things I can not do for my Mom by myself. And as it turned out I had to wake my brother up and I could not get him to wake up due to the drinking. Even shaking him I could not get him to wake up. So I tried my best to do what needed to be done by myself. Then my Dad needed assistance when I was trying to do this too. I was in tears. I cried God you have to help me. By the time it was all over I wanted to just cry. I prayed that by 6:00 when I was going to try again to wake my brother up before I was going to try and go home that he would be sober. I could not leave if he was not. Then at 5:55 am my brother walked out of his room without me waking him up and he was sober. I knew God heard my cry and he sobered up my brother.

I realized during all this my physical limitations and I had reached a breaking point. God will not allow us to be pushed beyond what we can bear.

For when I am weak...he is strong.

God you have to help me... I am breaking. That is all I can say but you know father. You said to lean on you for strength and I am counting on you to pull me from the storm I face tonight. Amen.

Coffee... please!

I am sitting here at my parents house trying to stay awake. My daughters have even crashed. I am writing on this blog to keep my mind awake.

Today was a really hard day. After I went home this morning I had to double back by noon to take my Dad to the doctor. So I am running on very little sleep today. The doctor said nothing we did not already know. He told my Dad to keep working and not give up. Dad has been having pain in his shoulder and back which is due to the way he carries himself after the stroke. His muscles are trying to work to help hold up the left side. He said it is hard but that is the only way he is going to get things back. Getting Dad in the truck by myself was hard. I like to never got him in the truck without lifting him which I could not do and I am feeling it tonight. After dropping him off I got back home by almost 4 and then it was getting Kens lunch fixed, Kendra to art class by 5:00. Then I was off to pick up more safety equipment for Dad's bathroom... Pick up Kendra at Art class by 8 and then off with the girls to Mom and Dads to pull my shift with my parents so my brother can get some sleep. On the way here I realized I have to get up early tomorrow because Kari has an follow up visit with the orthodontist. God give me strength for the rest of tonight and then for what comes tomorrow. I know he will!

Medical Equipment

I am at my parents house... it is almost 3:00 am.
I am listening to Daystar "Creation Scapes" It is beautiful scenery with religious songs playing. My Mom seems to rest when it is on. It is very soothing and peaceful. Maybe that is why.

I have been ordering online medical equipment that my Dad is going to need. Some I have ordered to come directly to the house one I ordered to be delivered to our Walmart and I will pick it up when it comes in. I have been trying to find things locally but somethings can only be ordered online.

Tuesday I take Dad to his PCP. So when I go home tomorrow morning I will have to be back here at noon to take him. Later today they are suppose to send someone out to the house to do therapy with him.

Just before the storm

You can not assume that when things start to look good that the sea is calm. That is when the devil tries to distract you by adding strife to your life. ( Do not take your eyes off Jesus) Realize who is the cause of the strife and do not allow him to stress you out. He will try to make you feel like you are a failure by allowing him to let you feel angry and maybe you say something back you wish you hadn't. God knows we are not perfect and we will always make mistakes. Realizing your mistake and trying to correct it is all you can do. It is always harder to forgive yourself but you can not let the devil use this against you.

My temperament by nature is not to take things but a fighter. My grandma Stephens was a meek person and nothing ruffled her feathers ...that is what I am told because she died when I was only 2 so I do not have any memories of her. I would love to be more like her. She was a Godly woman and set a Christian example for her 13 children. For me it is a daily struggle. But with God's help I am getting better. It is just right now I am so tired and I get in reaction mode before thinking about it. When I can rest...like now I can not sleep because other things try to distract me. He is very good at it too because he uses those who you love or those you trust to put stumbling blocks in your path. Every day is learning something new and opening my eyes to things around as to how the devil tries to work me. I think once you realize this it is a step in the right direction.

Mark 4:39

Today was rough but knowing God is at my side is comforting and I know nothing is too hard for him. Even though the storms around me feel like swallowing me up I know they will not over whelm me.

After leaving Mom and Dads house at 3:00 am I had to have Ken and the girls at the airport at 5:00. Once I got back home I tried to go to sleep but never could really rest till I knew they had landed. I knew they would be fine and they were under God's hand of protection but just couldn't rest till I heard from them. Besides the house was too quiet. I never can rest well when Ken is out of town and now with the girls not here either was even harder. By the time I could rest it was time to get up and get ready to be at the hospital for Dad's rehab therapy.

The therapy went well... but I seen how hard it is for Dad to control even his standing and all the work it took to do just that. Very taxing on him. He is making progress though. By the time I was done with the session it was going on 3:30pm. I went to fill up the truck with CNG because I didn't want to go to the station at night. I was able to get in a couple hours nap before returning to my parent house to relieve my brother.

When I leave here at 4:00 am I will be going to pick up my Dad's groceries and then going to pick him up at 9:00 am to bring him home. After picking up his prescriptions and once I get him home I will then go home and crash.

I know if I were depending on my own strength and human abilities I would not be able to do this but the Lord provides my needs each and every day.

BTW... The Lord led me to find the Beneprotein my Mom needed. When I was at the hospital Monday ( I think... but the days are running together) I felt the impression to go to the ICU nurses station and ask them if they knew where to find it at. One nurse made some calls and found it at Walgreen's 71st and Lewis. It was a special order made by a customer who never picked it up. Giving God he praise and glory for it!!!!

Lesson learned...Got to feed the soul...

Well... I hope I learn something from the last few days and take it to heart. I sure do not want to relearn this lesson again.

For the last couple days I have been rushing around, only in the house a few minutes before I am off and running again. Were talking 7 hours or so at a wack. This is one of my stress triggers for certain. I have felt sick to my stomach for the last 24 hours. First of all the doctor wrote prescriptions for my Mom that even the pharmacist did not know what the doctor was talking about. I went to the ICU nurses station and they told me it was a product called Beneprotein that they gave to her in her feeding tube is not found anywhere here in Tulsa. You can order it online but it is very expensive. I think the doctors have stock or in with these pharmaceutical companies for profit. So I am trying to find something compatible. I went to Akins today and figured I could find something there but there were additives that she can not take. (Potassium, salt etc...because she is already taking meds for this) So tomorrow it is off to GNC to find just a Whey product for protein.

By far the most stressful thing yesterday was the Pharmacy. The day before I had taken my Mom's prescriptions to the pharmacy and the medical card in my Dad's wallet was outdated so I had to pay full price for her prescription. Which I did because they told me that when I brought in their new one I would be refunded the amount. So when it was my turn to do my shift at my parents house I looked for the medical cards. During this process I found another perscription that my brother missed giving me. This meant that I was going to have to go to Walgreens on my side of town (24 hrs) when I left my parents home at 4:00 am then run it back to my parents house because my Mom needed it yesterday. When I went to Walgreens the pharmasict said the number on the card was expired Dec 31. I told her that was not possible that it came with a letter stating it came into effect Jan 1, 2010. I asked her what the perscription would cost me out of pocket because my mom needed it. She told me $97.00 (BTW... this was for an antibiotic for 3 pills) I said I can not pay that kind of money and she told me to take it up with the insurance company (in not a too nice manner) By the time I got home I was in the mode the straw that broke the camels back attitude. Ken could see I was not having a good day by my mood. After explaining to him what just happened he called the number on back of my parents insurance card to straighten this out. The lady at he insurance company verified that the card was good and asked us what location had called and verified they were on the list to fill the prescription. And not only that but there was NO record of that pharmacy calling and she said they keep all records on that on file. Ken proceeded to call that pharmacy and tell her what they said and that I was on the way there now.

When I got there and walked up to the counter and laid my purse down on the counter (think it was a little harder than I normally do) and said, "Now lets try this one more time" She came up to me showing she had already worked up the refund for the first prescription and had already verified the card was good. As I think about it she was holding up the new papers with them in front of her and distancing herself from me. (I didn't pay much attention to this till after I left) She was bending over backwards to be nice. After this I was off to my parents house again to drop off the prescription. I finally got home about 6:30 am.

My theory on this is this. We go through life and Satan puts people and things in our path to stress us out and make things hard for a Christian. He wants us to keep so busy with the little things which turn into big things because we do not keep our eyes on the mark. Also if we get caught up in rushing around etc... we do not have time to take in the word. So I was basically starving myself over the last couple days so when the hard times hit I could not cope. I pray I do not have to learn this lesson over again.

So I have a new book from the library that came in today. Out of all the books I ordered can you believe the one that came in was a book by Joyce Meyer called "The Battle Belongs To The Lord...defeating life's struggles through worship. Guess this was the book the Lord wanted me to read now.

Crazy Day

I feel like I am drained emotionally today. It was one of those days where you get hit with one thing after another. No time to recoup in between before you get hit again. After so many I went into emotional reacting mode. Not thinking but reacting to my circumstances. That is what is draining not only on you physically but emotionally too.

Today was the day my brother went up to the hospital to see my Dad in therapy and what he needs to do when he goes home. (I go Tuesday) We had planned to go together but with them going to send my Mom home we had to split it up.

I awoke to messages on my phone from my Dad, brother and the hospital. My phone was on but I slept right through hearing it beep. I was either that tired or God knew I would not be able to cope with only two hours sleep so he allowed me to sleep right through it. I like the latter...

Apparently they also needed the hoses for my Moms ventilator. If this had been told in the first place I would have brought them yesterday with the vent or my brother would have brought them this morning when he came to the hospital. They were wanting to release my Mom today. (not like they told us before that she would need to be on her vent there for two days before they sent her home) I do not have a very good opinion of most of the hospital staff and think they went to medical school and earned a cracker jack box degree. I know... complaining... got to quit it doesn't help! And the Lord does not want us to be complainers.

Anyway they had the attitude like I am suppose to drop everything and be at their beck in call. Just got tired of it! Then the person who was suppose to pick my brother up didn't so he walked home from 61st and Yale to 21st Apache by the airport. All this time I am trying to find him because he needed to be home before they could bring Mom home by ambulance.

By the time they got Mom home they just dropped her in the room and no kind of hook up or anything. (usually home health has a nurse there etc...)

Let see... then our water was shut down in our house because our reverse osmosis quit working so it was taking Ken to Lowes, then getting groceries, taking the girls to movie night, going to see Dad at the hospital, then finishing groceries, then picking the girls up at movie night and coming home to unload and put groceries away. My day was spent since the time I got up by running everywhere. My lunch and dinner consisted of a sandwich on the run. That made me cranky and less tolerant of all that was going on so I felt like I was loosing it. Sorry Lord my human side won today and feels like my spirit took a beating. Sorry Lord forgive me for allowing the devil to push me around. I forgot to use our weapons of spiritual warfare. Tomorrow is yet another day and I will do better when I remember to leave it all in your hands.

Positive thing for today is my Mom is home.

Thursday

Today I had to pick up my Mom's ventilator at their house and take it to ICU. Before she is released they have to have her on her home machine a few days before she is released. Just to make sure their are no complications.

When we were in ICU with Mom the girls and I laid hands on my Dad and prayed for healing of his left hand. We know it will happen... in God's time.

My Dad was not feeling very well tonight so we did not stay very long in ICU. The girls had school to do too so we left after about an hour. It will be good to get Mom home because believe it or not she does not get taken care of as well in ICU (or for that matter anywhere in the hospital) My brother and I are trying to prepare for them both going home. But once my Mom goes home it will be harder for me because I will be back to doing the night shift at my parents house. One good thing though... Ken is taking a week of vacation next week so that will help some. The girls will be able to stay home with him and I will not have to worry what to make for dinner.

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I can see God working...

It has been a few days since I posted last and I will try to make up.

I had a rough day yesterday. I had something stressful happen and then I could not sleep. So I took care of the problem and then by the time I could sleep it was time to start my usual day with what I had to do. So by the time I could sleep it ended up being 36 or more hours.

It is funny because during the time of stress is when we have to trust God the most and not worry. It is hard to do. It is in our nature to try and fix things ourselves. Then when we can't we call on God.

Yesterday was not a typical day for me. When things were stressful I prayed and asked God to help me not stress or lose my temper. When the person I was dealing with was angry and yelling. I know I could feel my temper rise inside me and I was feeling angry but I talked in a calm voice. I felt afterwards that I had failed because I felt angry but as I was driving home God made me realize I did not fail I never spoke in anger and when I could have easily spoken back in anger I did not respond. And he was right of course! He was with me the whole time. It felt good to realize I had not let the devil twist me into his trap. Later the person called me and was sorry. I can see where God worked it out for the best by allowing him to work it out not me. We tend to mess things up more. I know I do.

My Dad is doing great. I went up yesterday during one of his physical therapy sessions and he is actually using his left leg to walk not kicking it with his hip. He still does not have the full range of motion yet. Now to wait for the left hand to show some progress. It will happen in GOD's Time.

I came home and made black bean chili and put it in the crock pot. Then I went to bed because I couldn't stay awake any longer. When Ken came home he came in to check on me and asked me what I did different to the chili. I think I was in a groggy state because I wasn't sure I remembered making chili. He told me it was awesome. I remembered I had cut up cilantro and put in it and also added some cumin. That was the only thing I did different.

Monday January 18, 2010

I am up and moving around some today. I started feeling bad after we got home from the movie the other night (our anniversary dinner and movie night) Then Sunday I got up and had to go to minor emergency. Must have done it on the sly because my daughters were oblivious to the fact that I had even gone. ;)

Anyway I am so frustrated with medical personnel. No one cares anymore it is just a job to them. Ok... Lord I stop complaining now! Anyway I went to the hospital to see my parents after all that and wheeled my Dad over to ICU to see my Mom. I only stayed about an hour because I really just wanted to crawl up in bed and do nothing. I told my Dad I would probably not be up today if I was not feeling better. He told me to get some rest because I was worrying him. I reassured him and headed home. I called my niece Courtney and asked her if she would go up and take her grandpa over to see her grandma today because I didn't think I was going to make it. By the time Ken picked up the girls from church I was already in bed. I went to bed around 8:00 pm and then I didn't get up till about 1:00 pm today. I pray I feel much better tomorrow so I can resume the things I need to do. I have faith that God will see to it that I am.

Unload

I fell asleep after dinner last night so I woke up really early this morning. I can not go back to sleep so I think it is time to unload. Sorry guys this blog is not only where I post updates on my Mom and Dad but guess it going to be used to get things off my chest. :(

I find I when I am really tired and pass out from lack of sleep it easier than laying my head down on the pillow and my mind running off in all directions. I know this is when the devil works on me. I find myself looking at the big picture of everything (bad idea by the way) ... like how I am going to do all this. These are the kind of thoughts the devil puts in my mind. When my Dad comes home and until he is able to help with mom I will be there every night doing the night shift. My parents live day to day like the rest of us so private nursing is out of the question. How can I keep up the pace? BUT... the Holy Spirit reminds me that God will provide... trust in Him... take it a DAY AT A TIME. This is how the devil makes us feel overwhelmed and with worries. I can not do this on my own but I can face anything with God on my side. I know that through this he will be glorified and praised. Thank you Jesus because you love me and you will not forsake us or leave us.

Today is Ken and I's wedding anniversary. The hubby is going to take me out and do something later this evening. Maybe dinner and a movie I do not know but think it is needed right now.

Thursday Jan 14

I am going to post right away because I have not updated in the last couple days. If I wait till I get things done and in the mode to wind down I will fall asleep like I did last night.

Today seemed like it went on forever. One of those days. I had to set my phone alarm to get me up in time to take both the girls for their dentist appointment. Two girls from their office called yesterday to confirm their appointment and then they did it again today. The girl told me that if I did not return their call they would book someone over our appointment. I think she caught me at the wrong time. I flew off on her. I have never had to confirm before and we have never not shown up for our appointments. Needless to say I felt like I had to apologize to her. (Knowing full well this was the tactic of the devil to start my day our stressing and angry and missing the blessings God had in store for me today) So I fixed it and apologized.

Afterward I came home long enough to get Ken's lunch fixed and I was off and running again. I had to pick up things for my parents house at the grocery store, pick up things Dad needed and get his bills so I could pay them.

The truck needed gas so I went to fill up CNG in the truck and the station was broke down. I did not stress... just went to the station on 15th and Sheridan before going to the hospital. I was running late. My Dad was waiting in his wheelchair for me to take him over to see my Mom. I took him over and he stayed for about an hour. I took him back to his room and then went back to stay with Mom a little longer. I wanted to make sure they turned her and that she was comfortable before I left. She certainly does not get the best care in there. She is taken better care of at home. One of the nurses tore her medical boots I made her for Christmas. Not sure how they could have been so rough to do that but it can be fixed just frustrating but not worth stressing.

On my way home I decided to surprise the girls with Taco Bell. I was hungry and didn't feel like cooking. I know they were happy.

Today's progress... My Mom has been cut back to breathing treatments every 6 hours instead of every 4 hours. This is an improvement and she does not seem as congested.
As for Dad he looked good. When my Dad walks he has to swing his left leg forward by using his hip. He is able to hold his weight but not move his leg at will. He said he walked farther today and he moved his left big toe a little. Tomorrow they are going to feed him a regular meal. Praising God for positive things today and for those coming.

Tuesday Jan 12

Right now I am home for a short period of time to try and keep things going on here at home. Got Ken's lunch fixed and him off to work. The girls are working on their school. I went up to the hospital earlier after I got up. I had some issues to resolve with my Dad so I want to catch his case worker while she was there.
One of the issues is that I felt they have been over medicating my Dad. When the girls and I went up last night (and this is how it has been the last few days) Dad was out asleep. Even during the days when I happen to be there he is napping/sleeping most of the time. Apparently they addressed this issue and changed it before I got there. Of course when I went to see Dad he was asleep. Grant it the therapy wears him out but it should not be to this extreme. Also wanted to address the issue of Dad's attitude. It is not Dad to take a no concern attitude where my Mom is concerned. Apparently this is a little due to the stroke after effects and because they have him on anti depressants. Which they changed today too. I am hoping when I go up here shortly I will start to see a little difference. Leaving it in Gods hands...

I know a lot of you are asking how I am doing ... My mind is in the right place. I know God is in control and he will do what the doctors can not do. Getting this across to my body sometimes is not as fast. Rushing around and the devil trying to put negative thoughts in my mind etc... is playing havoc with my stomach. But the Lord will help me there too. He knows I have complete trust in him for ALL things.

Saturday Jan 9

I am sitting here at the computer trying to reflect over the last 24 hours and also to wake myself up. If I knew what a hangover felt like I think this is what it must feel like.

First of all when you stand in faith for something you have to realize things are not going to be easy, in fact they may get even harder because the devil is not going to just give up ground he has gained without putting up a fight. He is going to send things to discourage you and make you feel like giving up. But you can't.

Yesterday when we got up Ken realized we had a leaking pipe in our master bedroom shower. This ended up a major deal and had our water off in the house until the wee hours into today. Thus we were not even able to get a shower let alone was our hands etc... Frustration #1 the things we take for granted. I had to places to be... needed to go see my Dad at the hospital and then go take over with my Mom so my brother could get some sleep.

Then Rick called and said my Mom was breathing too fast so then it got worse. We ended up calling 911 and my Mom was taken to the Emergency Room at St. Francis. This ends up being story for another time because I do not have time to post it now.

Long story short my Mom is in the ICU unit on the 4th floor with Pneumonia and UT infection and my Dad is on the 4th floor in the Rehab unit.

Friday January 8

Today has been a long day. It is after 11:00 pm and my day has been going non stop since about 2:30 pm this afternoon. I can not tell you everything I did today. Well I could... but I won't because if I repeat it then my body will go OMG... that is why I am tired. It is a psychological thing if that makes sense. Kind of tricking my body.

I am here at my parents house watching over my Mom. The girls are home with their
Dad. As I sit here alone this seems the opportune time to write this...

I have been reading the book by Joyce Meyer called "Battlefield Of The Mind." It was recommended by another home school Mom (Paula Brown... thank you Paula..love you girl! ) I highly recommend you read it! It has opened up doors for me in ways you can not imagine. I am not really good at speaking words and explaining things. When I am going through things I keep them to myself and usually do not tell unless I am asking for prayer so with the Holy Spirits help I will try to reveal what I have learned.

For the last 3 years (since the death of my sister,Sherrie) I have allowed the devil to get his foot in the door of my mind by allowing my thoughts to bring me into a deep state of depression. I have felt the weight of this in every aspect of my life. By not reigning in my thoughts I have not been able to listen for that still small voice and the Holy Spirit to lead me and give me victory and joy in my life.

After my sister died my Mother's health plummeted. Right now Mom is on a respirator and unable to do anything for herself. My Dad has been the primary care giver of my Mom since with my brother Rick's help. So on top of my sister's death then my Mom it has been a down hill slope for me since. The devil has told me that God was not listening or going to heal my Mom. I have seen so many miracles of healing in her life. Why now was there no healing were my thoughts. The devil had planted that seed of doubt in me. In order for faith to work you can not doubt. Until I read this book I could not see... it was like I had blinders on because emotions had been ruling my thoughts. As I began to read this book it was like my soul was starving and could not get enough. I think each chapter has brought tears to my eyes. It was like Jesus was talking to my heart because I could not find my way out of this valley I was in. If you have dealt with depression on any level please consider reading this book.

The day after Christmas my Dad had a stroke. So with my Dad in the hospital my brother and I take care of our Mom. It is very difficult to be in three places at once. At the hospital with Dad, help with my Mom so my brother can get rest and then take care of my own family. My husband and daughters have been a big help and I could not do this without them. We will get through this with Gods help. He is our strength and endurance. Good things are going to come from this! People are going to be blessed because God will be glorified in all this! Amazing things are on the horizon.

Wed Janurary 6

Going to be a long day today. I woke up early and went to see my Dad. I knew Ken would be driving the girls and I to my parents house when he went to work in case the weather went bad. Our Impala does not do ice or snow. So with that in mind I needed to get up and go see Dad before my day began.

When I went to see Dad he told me that they had put a machine on his left hand to send electrical impulses to. He said he felt the electricity and it caused his fingers to spread apart. That was the positive thing for today. I am focusing on the positive things not the negative things. I expect something positive everyday. If I expect negative then that is what we will get.

The weather was suppose to bring more snow and ice. I prayed for the weather not to get bad because it effects everything I need to do. Less sleep and not able to get around. So I am standing on Gods word that the weather will not obstruct what I have to do.

January 5th

Went to see Dad this evening before going to my parents house.
Dad looked good. The left side of his face seems normal now ...not any sign of drooping like it was before. He told the girls and I that they wore him out in physical therapy today. I told him well that is what they do to get you back on your feet so you can go home. He said he kicked his left foot forward today. That is my positive thing for today.

After we seen Dad the girls and I went to my parents house to relieve my brother so he can get some rest. With Dad having the stroke the day after Christmas I have been going non stop since then. Since all this happened I have not had much time to fix dinner for Ken and the girls and so I brought the stuff to make rigatoni tonight. I made two large pans(one to leave for my brother and one to take home) I did not have any ricotta cheese to put in it but it must not have mattered because my picky eater loved it and said I should make it more often. So the girls ate some there and we brought some home for Ken.

Tonight the girls did their school and when I was not doing things for Mom I sat down and started reading the book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer that I have the girls reading. I read about 5 chapters. It is really a good book and I find it helpful right now.

When I am over at my parents house watching my Mom, especially when I am by myself I have to do something to occupy my mind. I usually check my email and get on facebook a little but I can only handle so much of that. I am trying to post things here because it is too hard to keep up with email and phone calls to everyone. So I have been giving everyone this link so it is easier for me to inform those who are interested. I discovered that if I crochet it keeps my hands busy and I do not have to think too much. Somehow it is relaxing and a stress reliever in some ways. Only I ran out of yarn. :( I already made two pot holders in the last week.

Well... got to finish Dad's laundry before heading off to get some sleep. Praying the weather will not be as predicted... means less sleep for me because Ken will have to drop me and the girls off as he goes to work. ( 4 hours earlier than we have been going)

January 4th

It is about 1:30 am
I miss my girls. It is a long night when you are alone. I am sure my brother gets lonesome here by himself too. I get a taste of what my Dad did since I am doing his shift. I would call him during the night but still it has to be lonely. I know he usually watches religious stations during the night. I am watching the life time network and chatting off and on with Kendra on Facebook.

At least my Mom is resting good and has not needed to be suctioned out much. And my brother seems to be getting some rest too. I am trying to occupy my mind with something so when I am driving home I am not tired.

January 3

I can't sleep... My mind keeps thinking about everything. I have a rash on my hands from washing my hands so much and from scratching them from stress without knowing it.

Both my daughters have been so thoughtful during this time with everything that is going on. I know they are feeling the stress too and dealing with a lot. They both have shown in their own way that they love and care about their family.

Kendra had the opportunity to stay home the other night with her Dad and not go to my parents house. She wanted to go with me and it helped me so much. I was so tired and do not know if I could have made it through the night without her help. She helped keep me focused and awake during the drive home. Then when we got home she knew I was stressed out and she brushed my hair and rubbed my back and shoulders till I fell asleep. I am so proud of her and her sister for all the help they have given their family. They both are amazing girls and their Dad and I are so proud of them!!

4:00pm I am sitting here with Mom and Ken and the girls took Rick up to the hospital to see Dad. Mom has been given her liquid vitamins and feeding. Rick will give her her second breathing treatment when he gets back from the hospital.

Well... got back over to Mom and Dad's house about 7:00pm. It is just me tonight. My brother was really tired after pulling a long day by his self yesterday. I wanted to get here earlier so he could get to bed earlier tonight. I will be leaving here about 4:00 am. Right now Mom is resting peacefully. Ken told me earlier today when they went up to see Dad when he yawned he lifted his left arm up. That is my positive thing for today! Thank you Lord!

My Birthday

This will be the first night I have not went to my parents house since the day after Christmas. My brother is sleeping on the sofa next to my Mom so I can spend my birthday at home with my family.

I have been running on about 4 hours of sleep for the last week. After getting home this morning from my parents house about 5:00 am I went to bed and did not get up till about 3:00 pm today.
First time I have gotten any real rest.

Ken, and the girls and I went to visit my Dad at the hospital this evening. They had this regular phone next to his bed that you had to have two hands to function. We asked them for a phone he could maneuver with one hand. Very light weight and easy for him to use with only having use of his right hand right now. He looked like he was resting better now. They told us he stood up on his feet today (with some help from them getting him on his feet) Positive thing for today!!!!

After we visited Dad Ken and the girls took me out to eat at Chili's. They also gave me a new zoom lens for my camera. Wasn't expecting that one. Now I am going to go sit in the chair and watch tv with Ken (most likely will not last long and probably fall asleep soon after)

January 2, 2010

I am sitting here with Kendra watching Mom. Dad is in the hospital and has had a stroke. I am very tired tonight. Not sure how long I can keep up this pace. I know God will give me strength. He says he will not allow more to be put on us than we can bare but my body and emotions are crying I give...enough... but I hold out knowing God will provide and bring us through this.
Dad at this time can not move his left hand and is not able to get himself out of the chair.

Dad has been miserable in the hospital bed and I have been talking to hospital staff etc... trying to get something done to no avail. Dad has bed burns on his elbows, ankles from twisting his self around in the bed. Finally I went to Walmart and purchased a memory foam mattress topper to put on top of his bed. I prayed for something positive today because I can not take any more negative. After putting the mattress topper on his bed and getting him back into bed you could see the difference in him. I asked him Dad how does that feel? And he sighed a big sigh and said Good! I am confident that tonight will be his first real rest in a week. I got something possitive today... Thank you Jesus!